Marriage Is Like A Road Trip

My husband loves cars, always has and probably always will. One of the best parts of a vacation to him is the road trip and I think if we just flew somewhere he'd be utterly disappointed! So when I came across this paper today talking about this topic I knew I just had to share it. We were a part of our church's couples group for about four years and learned SO much during that time, things we've put into practice in our marriage and this particular topic is no different.

How to keep from going in the ditch.

1. Stay in your own lane... Give each other space.
Now, I am all about sharing every part of your life with your spouse and am in no way advocating living separate lives! But you know what? Sometimes you just need a little time to yourself. If your spouse has had a difficult day, give them some time alone. Let them have a little quite time in the room before bombarding them with all the things going on around the house.

2. Yield signs are there for your protection... Validate each others opinions, thoughts and quirks.
You know that sign on the road as you're going around a curve that says "SLOW"? I wish in marriage we all had one of those to hold up at times! There are just some times in conversations that we can get ourselves in trouble by simply putting our foot in our mouth and saying the wrong thing. Having our spouse hold up that "SLOW" sign as we're starting to say something stupid sure would be helpful! As it is, we simply have to watch for those signs ourselves. Pay attention to what your spouse is saying and learn to not only read them and how they're feeling about something, but also take that reading to heart.

3. When you find yourself at an empass...slow down...get there alive...take another route.
There is absolutely nothing in marriage that has only one way of handling it. It doesn't matter if you're dealing with a big issue like in-laws and finances or something simple like what you're going to eat for dinner, there is always more than one option and more than one way to get to peaceful ground. If the way you're doing something or a decision you've made is bringing nothing but conflict, find another way to do it. It really is ok! Solving the conflict is the important part, not how you solved it.

4. Don't play chicken!
I think that is one of the dumbest games ever! It's explained as "a game in which two drivers drive towards each other on a collision course: one must swerve, or both may die in the crash, but if one driver swerves and the other does not, the one who swerved will be called a "chicken," meaning a coward". Can you honestly see anything good ever coming out of something like that? In marriage that "game" and type of thinking has absolutely no place whatsoever!

5. Road rage is misspent anger.
This one probably hit me the hardest. I am so bad at taking my anger out on my husband. I can be angry at something one of the kids did or something that happened during the day, and as soon as my husband gets home I finally let it all out on him. Let me tell you...nothing good ever comes from that! It doesn't in my marriage and it won't in your marriage. I promise! learn to get control of your anger and not spew it all over your spouse.

6. Exit ramps should be approached with caution.
This is a big one in todays society. It seems like everyone is looking for a way out of their marriage and anything their spouse does can be a cause for divorce. Getting out of your marriage, or even thinking about getting out, should be something that is approached with great caution and care. It should never be a rushed decision made in the heat of a moment. It should never be something biased on your feelings. And it should never be done without the guidance and counsel of someone in spiritual authority such as a pastor. When you get alone and make decisions like this by yourself, you open yourself up to all kinds of bad choices!


So there you go, 6 steps to help your marriage avoid going in the ditch! What are some things you've used to help keep your marriage on track?

Let's Fight!

I have discovered something about myself over the course of my marriage...I am a fighter! There are some days that I seem to wake up in the mood to fight and anyone who walks by could be under attack at any moment. Anyone else ever have days like this? Please tell me i'm not alone!

As awful as this personality trait may be there is actually a wonderful side to it and i've discovered that it's very important to wake up everyday ready to fight in your marriage. We just have to understand that we're not fighting our spouse! See, everyday Satan is ready to attack your marriage and family but I don't think that we're always ready for it. The bible says in 1 Peter 5:8 "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."

Satan would love nothing more than to destroy each and every marriage and he's actually gotten to be really good at it! In today's society it's very difficult to stay married, much less have a strong and healthy marriage and I think so many couples don't even know they're under attack. Many times people get married with the idea that it's going to all be love and roses and they're not prepared at all for the fight that they're in for.

You have to understand, when you get married, you become one. You are no longer two people living two lives. But so often I see couples walking, living and making choices as if they were still two separate people and therefore they fight like two separate people. In order for your marriage to be effective, you have to walk together and even learn how to fight together.

Let's face it, married life can be hard! You have come from completely different backgrounds and you both have different ways of doing pretty much everything. At first it may not seem like a big deal but after awhile you can begin to see your spouse as the enemy. They become the person you must conquer. If things have gotten to that point, stop right where you are! It doesn't matter if you feel like you're in the right and they're completely wrong. Just stop fighting against them!

See, when you spend all your time fighting each other, you are actually fighting against your marriage not just against your spouse. However when you turn things around and start fighting FOR your marriage you build up and strengthen it.

It's so important to understand that no matter what the situation, you and your spouse are to be on the same side. There should never be a situation where you are fighting against each other. You make yourselves and your marriage completely useless when you fight against each other. But once you start fighting with each other you begin to get some power to behind your marriage!

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." No matter what the situation you may be facing, take the stand together. Fight together. Include God in the situation and wrap yourselves so tight in Him that the strand of the three of you cannot be broken. It's way past time for couples to stop fighting against their marriages and start fighting for them.

Conflict Resolution

Conflict is a natural part of life, therefore it is also a natural part of married life. It's not a pleasant part of life by any means but it is something you are going to have to deal with. You are two people with two ideas, two opinions, two backgrounds, two ways of doing things and so on. So when you come to a situation that you both want to handle differently it's very natural to have conflict over it.

It's important to remember that conflict is simply two opposing sides. That's all. You and your spouse have come to a situation and are both seeing it differently, or you both want to handle it differently. But so often conflict turns to fighting and that's where the problem is. Not every conflict has to turn into a fight.

Here are ten things to remember when you and your spouse are in the middle of a conflict.

1. Realize that every marriage has conflict.
You and your spouse are not abnormal and there's nothing wrong with your marriage simply because you are having conflict.

2. Understand that the goal in any conflict is resolution.
Compromise is such a huge part of marriage and something that can be very difficult to work on but it's so important. If you can come into every conflict with the goal of resolving it as quickly as possible, even if it means giving up something on your side of things, it will help you keep your conflicts from turning into fights.

3. Learn the difference between principle and preference.
There are some things that you will have conflicts over that are just silly. If you prefer the bathroom toilet paper faced up and your spouse prefers it faced down...that's not a conflict you should have. But if you believe in tithing and your spouse doesn't, that is a conflict worth having. Learn to tell when something is simply your preference, and when it is, work to just let some things go.

4. Take the time to consider your spouses perspective.
So often we would go a long way by simply putting ourselves in someone else's shoes, and that goes for your spouse. Consider how they feel about things and try to see where they're coming from. If it's something they feel very strongly about, see if it's an area you can give on.

5. Never allow yourself to speak with anger during a conflict.
The second you do that you have taken it from a conflict to a fight. Fights do nothing to help your marriage and you will both walk away hurt and with a much bigger problem.

6.Avoid past failures as ammunition for current conflict.
It's so easy to bring up the past in a marriage but it does nothing to help. If it is an issue that has already been dealt with, just leave it in the past. If it's an issue you have yet to deal with, find another time to talk about it. Bringing up more irrelevant issues do nothing to resolve conflicts.

7. If needed, seek Godly counsel.
My husband and I have gone to marriage counseling before and it is always a huge help. Sometimes there are big issues to resolve and you do need the help of an outside third party. There is nothing wrong or weak about that! But I will advise you to choose an unbiased person. Under no circumstances should you go to a close friend or family member to help resolve a conflict. Ever. There is absolutely no reason to involve either of your parents in a disagreement you are having, you need a person that can tell either of you when and what you may be doing wrong. Chances are your friends or family members are simply to biased to do that. Also, one of the worst things you can do in the middle of a conflict is go out and talk to everyone about it, simply find a good christian counselor if needed and keep everyone else out of the situation.

8. Your spouse doesn't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Be sure to go out of your way to show your spouse you care about them, their feelings and their side of things. If you don't do this you will not get very far at all in resolving the issue.

9. If you think you are the perfect husband/wife you are unapproachable.
You need to understand that you may be in the wrong, you are human and therefore not above being wrong. If you come into the situation proud and sure that you are right you close the door to open communication and conflict resolution.

10. Understand that all marriage problems are of the flesh and the flesh hates God!
Everything in this world is against your marriage succeeding. Satan hates marriage because it is so close to God's heart and therefore does everything he can to destroy it. But sometimes I think we help him out a little too much by embracing all the conflicts, fights and drama that comes our way. Work hard to understand where conflict comes from and always look to the One that can help you solve it.