Perspective

I know I just did this last week but I wanted to share another old post. I wrote this almost two years ago and it's always been one of my favorites, I only had about 10 followers when I wrote this so I just decided to dig it out again!


Just one mom's perspective

I recently took some time-while folding laundry-to rewatch the "Anne Of Green Gables" movies and fell in love with Anne all over again! I haven't watched those movies in such a long time and it brought back so many memories, I think I laughed harder, and cried harder for that matter, this time than I ever have before. Now that I’m older and get so much more of it the whole thing just came so much more alive for me. I remembered being a little girl and having the imagination of Anne and even wishing I could be her, she had a much more interesting life than I did and she had red hair! I would've loved to have red hair, it would've been much better than plain old dirty blonde!

One of my favorite scenes in the whole movie is where a mouse drowns in the sauce for the plum pudding that they were making for dinner that evening. She tries so hard to tell Marillla that she was imagining she was a nun....and forgot to put the cover on the sauce and a mouse drowned in it. That was me as a kid! I had a poster hanging over my bed that said "I mean to work hard Lord, but I keep running across things that are much more fun to do!" That was my life! I lived in my books and in my imagination. I thought there was nothing greater in the world than putting on my dress up clothes and walking into my world of make-believe.

However I lived in my world of make-believe for far to long, I took it with me into my teen years and even the early years of my marriage. I grew up planning what my life would be like and what kind of husband I would have, all the romantic things he would say and the 1000's of times he would bring home roses. I was going to keep a perfect house and raise the perfect children who of course would always look liked they just stepped out of a children's clothing add and would never dream of disobeying me! I of course would be the perfect american housewife, I would always be dressed in the latest fashions and keep a spotless house, and of course there would be a beautifully cooked meal on the table for breakfast lunch and dinner every single day! My christian walk would be picture perfect, I’d never miss a day in my bible reading and would be known among my friends as the "perfect Christian"! I would also be the perfect mother; I’d never ever lose my temper with my children who were just as perfect as I was. After all, they would have me as a role model, why wouldn't they be perfect?!

To that description all I have to say is....HA! I would love to say that I just described our home to you but I didn't even come close! While yes my husband is amazing, he sadly doesn't sit around all day dreaming up romantic things to say to me, nor does he come home with a huge bouquet of flowers each and every week! He loves to sit and watch tv or work on the computer instead of listing all my charming attributes, imagine that! My home is far from perfect! The outside needs painted and patched in several places, it is far from the dream house I’d always planned on; and the inside? Lets just say you can tell 3 kids live here! As for those 3 kids, they are amazing and absolutely the cutest kids in the world-in my humble opinion!-but they are hardly ever fixed up and perfect looking. On the rare occasion that they are fixed up just right with every hair in place, it usually only lasts until I place the finishing touches on them if that long. They don't mind me all the time and have been known to throw some royal fits! Which is of course shocking, after all, they do have me for a role model. Why aren't they perfect children?! Oh yeah, they have me for a role model...

I, sadly, am not the perfect american housewife that I planned to be. I am not always dressed perfectly; in fact right now I am still in my pj's drinking my coffee! I don't think my house has ever been spotless and I have NEVER served a beautiful breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one day! I am not a perfect mom, and sadly, I often lose my temper with at least one of the kids and even my husband! I am far from perfect and have made some pretty huge mistakes in my life. But you know what? I'm ok with all this. I will never be mistaken for Martha Stewart for my elegant home or Julia Child for my gourmet cooking; you will also never see me on the cover of a fashion magazine and I’m ok with that. I'll probably never be up for Mother of the Year, and I sure won't be known as the best and most perfect wife, and I’m ok with that. And would you believe it? I'm not a perfect Christian! I actually go days without reading my bible and even sometimes would just rather stay home and sleep than get up at 6:30 in the morning to go to church!

See my goals for my life have changed, I no longer try to be all those things and I no longer expect all those things from my husband or kids. I have accepted the fact that I am not a gourmet chef or a wonderful house keeper-I actually rather hate cleaning! I'm also not the world’s greatest mom and I’ve even stopped trying to be. I no longer expect perfection from my children or endless romance from my husband. I'm learning to accept each of them for who they are with all their strengths as well as all their weakness. After all, that's what I want from them!

You know, I’m not the perfect mom and yes I do lose my temper way to often with my kids but you know what? There is no one in the world who loves my kids more than I do and no one who will try harder to make their dreams come true for them-excluding my husband of course! My new goal is to always hold them when they cry, to laugh at their silly jokes, to do everything I can to encourage their dreams and to teach them everything I can about having a personal relationship with Christ! As for that "perfect Christian" stuff?! Once again...HA! I could sit here all day long and name every sin I’ve ever committed and never even finish. I don't know how many times I’ve asked for forgiveness because I’ve committed the same stupid sin once again! But thankfully my Heavenly Father is incredibly forgiving, He allows me to come to Him each and every time and willingly offers forgiveness, love and grace each time I mess up.

I don't know if anyone else has ever dealt with these things or if anyone will even be able to relate to what I’m talking about but if you can I want to say something specifically to you....Relax! Take some time right now and breath. Stop trying to be everything for everyone and just be who you really are! No one will ever be Jamie like I can be Jamie! No one will ever be you like you can be you! I've taken some time lately and still am in fact trying to figure out what I want from my life-Martha Stewart and Julia Child aside-and while I may never have it all figured out I am getting some of it figured out. I challenge you to do the same.

There's Power In Your Words

I've talked about the power in your words before but i've mostly addressed the words spoken in your marriage and haven't really dealt with the words spoken to your children. But a couple of days ago, I was putting my kids to bed for probably the 20th time that night. Most nights they go to bed just fine but for some reason they just kept getting out of bed that night. My son was the main one getting up and he had already been spanked a couple of times for getting up and my exhaustion level had finally been reached. But he got up again and I ended up completely blowing it with him. I yelled at him, sent him back to bed and told him he better not get up again for any reason. Then I came back into the living room and decided to get on pinterest to try and unwind. This was the first thing I saw...

Then I scrolled down a little further and saw this...

Needless to say I was completely ashamed and convicted over how i'd talked to him. I made things right with him the next day but it didn't change what had already been done. In my exhaustion and frustration I ended up cutting my child with my words. I'm sure every parent has said things to their child that they desperately wish they could take back but it always hurts when you realize that you've hurt your child.

Since that night i've been reminded several times of Proverbs 18:12 which says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue". Also Psalm 19:14 has been on my mind. It says "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

At that moment, my words and my heart were not at all pleasing to God! I was angry with my son and being selfish with my time. Instead of disciplining my child for his disobedience, I punished out of anger.

I don't have any great words of wisdom for this post, and have actually had an incredibly hard time writing it. But I know that there are other mothers out there who have messed up this week and just need a little encouragement that they're not alone. So to all my mom friends who have completely blown it any time in the last week, month or year, here is a great big {{{HUG}}}!

This mothering job can be so difficult and even overwhelming sometimes but never ever give up. As much as i'd love to be perfect and never mess up, I know that's not going to happen for any of us. But our goal can still be to be the best mothers we can! Every time we mess up, we just have to get back up and keep going because as hard as it is "We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us". Even be patient mothers.

Are You Fun?

When my husband and I were dating, we laughed all the time! He was always cracking jokes and I was always trying to even though I was never really good at it. But we loved having fun together. I even remember times of going to the park and swinging together. I love those memories. Those were some of the funnest times of my life.

As we've gotten older and busier with life those fun things have kinda tapered off. We don't go to the park anymore unless we're taking the kids, we don't play as many goofy games like we did before, and we've pretty much gotten caught up with the responsibilities of life. However one thing we try to do often is laugh. Our house is often filled with laughter, even if it's just at a silly story from the kids day at school.

But I have to admit that there are times where it doesn't seem like there is much fun going on in our house. When things are particularly stressful or i've had an extremely hard day I notice that I sometimes put a halt to the fun going on around me. I can get in a grouchy funk and i'm no fun to be around at all!

Now there are times when things really are wrong and i'm not trying to make light of those times at all! But how often do small things seem big in our mind and cause us to lose our joy? Sometimes my kids can argue for a few minuets and I react as if the world is ending and make everyone miserable in the process. But you know what? I'm the only one who can change that. I'm the only one that can chose to be fun.

As my kids grow up, I want them to remember the sound of my laughter. When they picture me, I want them to see a smile on my face, not a scowl. When my husband pictures coming home at the end of the day I want him to picture me with a smile, not be prepared for me to vomit all my frustrations on him. And again, i'm the only one who can determine that outcome.

If you struggle with being fun here are a few ideas to get you started...

1. Build a tent/fort with your kids and spend the afternoon in it watching movies. Pop some popcorn and stay in your jammies while you do it.

2. Take a trip to the park with your spouse and actually swing! Don't just let your kids slide and swing, get in there with them and do it. Or better yet, go on a park date with just your spouse!

3. Give the kids a glass of chocolate milk and blow bubbles in it with them.

4. Lay on the floor and color with them. Don't even color things the right color. Make someone green on the page and see how hard your kids laugh.

5. Get out the play dough and see who in your family can sculpt the best figure. I bet your kids will actually be better than you and your spouse.

6. Play in the water with your spouse. Sprinklers are not just for kids!

7. Turn on some music and have a dance party with the whole family. I can't dance at all but even I like to dance to some "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"!

8. Get out a board game and change the rules up. Make it the object of the game to lose instead of win and see how confused everyone gets through out the game.

9. Go on a picnic. Pull out the blanket and eat on the ground!

10. Have a candy day. Every hour, on the hour, every person in the house gets a piece of candy. You can even make it more fun and have the rule that every person has to do something silly before they get their piece.


It doesn't matter what it is you chose to do as long as you do something! Make a point to do something fun and out of the ordinary as often as possible. But please remember, having fun and being silly is not just something to do with your children. Remember the fun you had when you and your spouse were dating. Pull out and re-create some of those memories to surprise them with. There's enough stress in this life without taking all fun out of your life! There's an old saying that goes "The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." and I have to say, I couldn't agree more!!!

Let's Talk About Talking

Over the past weekend I have dealt with a difficult situation with a family member and some very hurtful words have been said. Because of this I have decided to talk about the power of words again. I talked about the importance of your words in your marriage HERE so today I want to talk about the importance of your words in your other relationships.

One study I found stated that on average, women speak 20,000 words in a day and men speak on average about 6-7,000 words in a day. It's no surprise that us girls love to talk! We can talk about anything and everything with ten different people each day. We can hash over the same subject for three hours straight giving every single little detail and never get tired of talking. But how many of those words are negative? What do you speak over yourself? over your children and those around you?

As a parent it can be so easy to focus on the areas that you have failed and never see what you've done right. I could spend hours talking about all the areas I have failed my children over the last 6 years on being a mom but there is absolutely nothing positive about that! It does no good to my children or to myself. I could also list all the problems there are with my children and how some of the negative features of their personalities could ruin them as adults. But again, what good would it do?

Instead of speaking these negative words over them and over myself, I chose to speak positive life into these situations. Instead of saying "I'm a failure as a mom" I say "Through Christ, I am and will continue to be a successful mother". Instead of saying "My kids threw a fit so they must be horrible children" I say "They may have messed up but because Christ is in them they will grow to be over comers".

Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue". And Deuteronomy 30:19 says "Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!"

Every day you have the choice to make, life or death, blessing or curses. Not only do you make this choice in your actions but remember that you make this choice in your words as well. The words you speak over yourself and those around you is just as important as the actions to walk out around them. Will you chose life or death? Will you chose blessing or cursing? Both options have been put before you and the choice is entirely up to you.

Be Nice!!

Have you ever been around mean people? There are just some people in this world who refuse to be nice. In our house we call it being ugly and our kids know exactly what we mean when we tell them to stop being so ugly! And to be honest, there have been many times that I have wanted to go up to someone and tell them to stop being so ugly and just be nice.

But what's really bad is when you catch yourself being that ugly person! We can have our order wrong at a restaurant or a bad day at work and suddenly the ugliness is unleashed. But I think the worst part about it is that most of the time we are nicer to the people we work with or see at the store, but then we come home and all that ugliness just comes spewing out all over our spouse and kids. They've done nothing to deserve it but the first chance we get, we lash out. I for one am very guilty of that in my own home. My husband always teases me that i'm the nicest person in the world, and I do try to be as nice as possible to everyone I come in contact with. However, it is so easy to forget to show that same kindness to my own husband and children.

1 Corinthians 13:4 says that love is kind, Ephesians 4:32 says to be kind and tenderhearted with each other and Galatians 5:22 says that one of the fruit of the Spirit is kindness. You see, kindness is supposed to seep out of us at all times as Christians with everyone we come in contact with but I believe even more so with those we live with. It is so easy to let yourself go and not watch what you say as much with people you're around all the time but I believe it's even more important to be kind to your family than anyone else.

I see so many couples that are just ugly to each other all the time. They make jokes at each others expense or insult them without even thinking and are often just plain cruel to each other. This should not be happening! Let me tell you for sure that there is no one in this world you should be nicer to that your spouse and children. Your spouse looks to your for support and your children look to you for every kind of encouragement and when you snap back at them with ugly words and actions you can very quickly crush them.

So today, start to work on walking out kindness towards your spouse and kids. My kids school motto is "Be kind with your ears. Be kind with your eyes. Be kind with your mouth. Be kind with your body". It sounds so basic and childish but look at how you treat your family. Are you kind with everything you do and say?

Fun Friday: Grown-up Kids

The topic for today comes from a friend of mine. I asked my friends and readers on facebook if there was anything they'd be interested in my writing about and she wrote, "Pushing "your" goals for your child's life on them. Like a doctor wanting his kid to be a doctor or wanting your kid to live in a certain town. Or always pushing your kid to go to get that better job because you aren't happy with the amount of money they are making." Now I fully understand that my children are still very young so I am speaking on this subject with no first hand experience, however I dealt with this some from my dad as a child so I can use that and the bible to talk about this.

I believe this is a very easy thing to fall into for most parents. We have our children for 18 years to train, raise and prepare for the world so it can be very easy to also plan for their future for them. It really doesn't seem like a bad thing either, and a lot of times it isn't as long as you are planning with them and not for them. But let's look at the unhealthy side of this issue and how it can negativity affect your children.

My dad is a tennis player. He played in high school and has been a tennis instructor for all of my life and he had ideas of me working and training hard and trying to become a professional tennis player. I started playing tennis when I was about 4 or 5 years old and played regularly until I was 10. I don't really remember my dad ever telling me that's what he wanted me to become but I remember hearing him talk to others about it and I remember him pushing me to be better and work harder to improve. I honestly loved the game and still do, but I never ever wanted to do more than play casually. However I knew my dad wanted more from me so I tried. I tried and failed.

When I was 10, I played my first tournament and was crushed by the other girl. I had stayed up all night the night before and was completely exhausted, and on top of that the other girl really was much better than I was. But I knew my dad would be disappointed and that was the worst part. I was letting him down in something that really mattered to him but honestly just didn't matter to me. I only ever played one tournament after that, it was a father/daughter match and I loved spending the time with my dad.

You see, the time with him was why I had played for so long when it wasn't important to me. My dad worked a lot so playing tennis was the way I could spend the most time with him and for a long time I was willing to do it. Then I began to hate and resent the game that I used to enjoy. Eventually I began to love tennis again but i've not played regularly since I was 10 years old.

You see, every time I pick up a tennis racket i'm always reminded that I didn't accomplish my dad's dream for my life. It was never my dream but I knew it was his and I failed. I loved the game because he loved it and I played because it was an opportunity to spend time with him. But once I couldn't, or wouldn't play anymore we no longer had the connection of the game, and it was one more area of distance in our relationship.

So now let's come off of my memory lane and talk about what this can do to kids. First of all, when you have a career chosen for your child, you have decided what their future is to look like. Then if they don't want to do that or honestly can't do that career they have to live with the fact that they have failed you. No matter what, your child should never have to live with the feeling of failing their parent! There is no career out there that is so important that they should feel that way. Period. It is an awful, guilty feeling and not something you should put on your child.

Second, your child was born with their own unique talents, gifts and desires. It's our job as parents to help shape and mold them into a responsible adult but it is not our job to determine their gifts and dreams. We can encourage them and push them to do their best in whatever area their dream is in, but we can't confuse that for actually deciding what their dreams are. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you". God has a plan in mind for your child's life, a plan that He has had since the beginning of time. It is not your job to push God's plans aside to further your own plans. Yes, your child is your child on this earth but we can't ever forget that these kids are simply on loan from Him. Instead of pushing your plan and your ideas for their life on them, get before God with your child and find out what His plans are for their life. Those plans are the ones you can push forward. Those are the plans that matter.

And thirdly, when you push your plans and dreams on your child you can actually push them away from something they really do love. Like I said, I loved playing tennis and probably would have continued playing but I knew I would never measure up to the dream that my dad had so I completely quit. I lost out on the continued connection of playing with my dad and we both lost out on having that connection in our relationship.

I don't think there is anything wrong with pushing your kids to do their best and not allowing them to quit on something they love. But you have to remember that as parents, we don't automatically get to decide everything for our kids future. What career they chose, where they live, how many kids they have, and many other life decision like that are theirs to make. We have to train them to make those decisions wisely and after seeking God's counsel but that's really the extent of our involvement.

What do y'all think about this subject? Is this something any of you have dealt with? If so, what do you do in the situation?

First Day of School

I have decided to take a small break from my usual topics and talk on a different subject today, you see, today is the first day of school. Please excuse me while I get sentimental and gush just a little.

This year Konner is in 1st grade, he has been ready to be back in school since the first week of June! Last year I wrote HERE about his first day of school and how I simply was not ready for it. However this year is a bit different, this is my Lexi's first year of school and this mommy's heart just can't believe it.

Somehow, in the blink of an eye my little girl went from this...

To this...

From this...

To this...

Just like Konner last year, she never asked my permission to grow up and I never gave it. Yet she's doing it anyways. Now I know that she's still only 4 but somehow I know that as fast as these past 4 years have gone by, the next 14 will go by even quicker. As my husband wrote about HERE, all too soon she'll be gone.

So my sweet Alexis (as she has now asked to be called), as you start on this journey and new phase of life, there are a few things i'd like to tell you...

-You are and always have been your daddies little girl. At times you will love it and at times you will hate it, but nothing in this world will ever change it so don't even try!

-I know you think you know more than me at times but trust me, you don't.

-As much as I might want to I will not always run to your side when you trip and fall. You will have to learn to pick yourself back up and I promise, you will thank me for it. Someday.

-Your strong will is going to get you in a lot of trouble, but it will also save you from trouble. Learn to harness and control it instead of letting it control you.

-It will never be ok for you to call a boy. I know your friends will do it but you can't. Trust me, a real man will call you and if he's not a real man, you don't need to talk to him.

-If you are embarrassed to wear something to church, you won't be wearing it to the mall.

-If your aren't embarrassed to wear something to church but it makes your dad blush, you won't be wearing it.

-I can and will enter your room at any time. That's just my right as your parent.

-If you act stupid to attract boys, you will only attract stupid boys.

-Before you were even born, God had a plan for your life. They are plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

-No matter how old you get, you will never be to old to dance with your daddy. "Cinderella" will always be y'alls song.

-Your phone, emails and room will be checked anytime your dad, God or I feel the need. Just part of living in our house. Nothing in your life is off limits to us.

-As much as your brother and sister might drive you crazy, they are the best friends you will ever have. Treat them as such.

-Every boy you bring home to meet your dad will be under severe interrogation. If they do not pass you will not be seeing them again.

-I will not be your friend until you are an adult. I will love you, laugh with you and talk with you about everything but never forget that I am your mother. You will have plenty of friends but only one of me.

-It may take until you are an adult to appreciate that last fact but at some point, you will.

-No matter what has happened in your life or your world, your mommy and daddy are ALWAYS here for you. That will never change.


I'll stop for now, although there are 100's of other things I could add. Thank goodness she is only 4 and I have plenty of time to do so. Happy first day of school my Lexi-Lou!

Fun Friday: Mom-petition

The question for today comes from a facebook friend of mine. It seems that she has been struggling with competition with another mom friend of hers. Their children are very close in age and this other mother is constantly comparing them, and even ends up devastated if her child falls short in her eyes. She asked what she should do and how to best handle this situation.

This is such an easy thing to fall into, and if we're honest most of us mothers have done it ourselves at some point. If we're not comparing our kids to other kids, we're comparing them to their siblings. For example, my two oldest kids walked when they were 13 months and 2 weeks. Both of them were exactly the same in that area. Then came my youngest, she walked at 8 months old. I was shocked! Now I could have compared her to her brother and sister and thought of her as better because she walked sooner, but honestly, when a child walks is completely insignificant in the big picture of a child's life. Grades and sports are other areas that we compare our children to each other. When a child potty trains is often another area of comparison, and there are many others which are all equally as ridiculous.

So what is the very basic underlying issue when it comes to mom-petition? I believe that it is pride. Let's face it, for us mothers, especially stay-at-home-mothers, we can easily wrap up ourselves and who we are into our kids. We can feel like our worth is aligned with their success, even in small and seemingly insignificant issues. So when we see another child doing something better or sooner than our children, it can almost feel like a stab at our worth.

When dealing with this issue there are a few verses that you need to commit to memory. The first one is 2 Corinthians 2:12 which says "We would not dare put ourselves in the same class with, or compare ourselves to, those who recommend themselves. Whenever they measure themselves by their own standards or compare themselves among themselves, they show how foolish they are."
And verse 18 of that same chapter says "When people commend themselves, it doesn't count for much. The important thing is for the Lord to commend them."

According to the bible, comparing yourself to anyone else is foolish and something we should never do. If you're going to compare yourself to anyone you need to compare yourself to Christ. Period. And as for comparing yourself to someone and thinking you're better in anyway is wrong. According to this verse, lets leave the commending of ourselves to Christ. After all, when it comes from Him it's so much more rewarding!

Now for the underlying pride issue, let's look at a few verses about pride.
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

"Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished." Proverbs 16:5

Pride is clearly a very ugly sin in the bible. In fact, pride seems to be the cause for the very first sin in the book of Genesis. Adam and Eve became convinced that they knew more than God, not only that but they began to believe that they could be, and deserved to be, like God. Because of their pride they lost everything. A heart of pride is very clearly something to stay far away from!

Now, when it comes to your children it may seem innocent, and it may even start out that way but it doesn't stay there for long. That competitive, comparing spirit does so much harm in your life, your children's lives and the lives of those around you. You see, when you are constantly comparing your children to other children, or other kids to your kids, you can't take the time to fully appreciate who your kids are. All you can focus on is them being the best, and when they are not the best, they have failed.

You have to understand that any time you do this you are teaching your kids that they are not good enough unless they are the best at everything. Let's face it, there will always be someone out there that is better than you at something. So in essence, you are setting your kids up for failure from a very early age and teaching them that they will never be good enough. Our goal as parents is to teach our kids to do the best they can, not be the best.

I think the most important thing to remember anytime you are in this situation is found in Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

You see, God has a specific, unique plan and design for you child's life and comparing them to anyone else just gets in the way of that unique plan. They should never feel like they have to be like anyone else, you need to teach them to be confidant in who they are! One of my favorite quotes is "No one can be you like you can be you!". You know what, i'm not the best writer out there or the best wife or mom, but there is no one in this world who can be Jamie like I can be Jamie! I have been placed here for a specific reason that God Himself placed on my life. Your kids need to be raised with the confidence to say that about themselves and that will be so difficult for them to have if they are always taught to compare themselves to other people.

If this is something you struggle with I encourage you to stop right now! Talk to your child and explain to them that this attitude is not right, and be sure to include how very proud of them you are. Kids crave approval from their parents and it's so important that we give it to them!

If you are dealing with another parent constantly comparing their child to yours, I urge you to talk to them about it. Don't do it in the heat of the moment (if you're anything like me, it's too easy to let your emotions get the best of you) but try to find a time to sit down and talk to them about it. Let them know that this bothers you and bothers your children, if it does. Kindly ask them to stop and then if it comes up again I think it would be appropriate to remind them that you would rather they not do it anymore.

Most importantly, pray. Pray over the all the parents and children involved in the situation. God is a God of peace, not decinsion!

Each Friday I tackle the thoughts and questions of my readers. If there is something you would like me to discuss feel free to either leave a comment below, leave a comment on my Facebook Page or email me at joinmeforcoffeeblog(at)gmail(dot)com.


This post is linked up with Homemaker By Choice.

Fun Friday: The Strong Willed Child

Look at that face! Isn't that just the cutest little girl you've ever seen? She could never be anything other than a completely compliant angel right?! HA! This is my 4 year old daughter and I absolutely love her to death, but this girl defines "Strong willed child".

From the second she was born we knew she had a very different personality than our son who didn't really challenge us much and was just a generally easy going child. I was not a strong willed child at all so my little Lexi completely threw me! At 2 and 3 years old, her and I would get into these wars and I just didn't know what I was doing wrong. I was raising her the same way i'd raised my son and yet she fought me so much more than he ever did. I knew early on that she was a strong willed child but I didn't fully understand what that meant, or how I needed to parent her differently than my son who was not strong willed.

Then I got smart and started looking outside of myself and what i'd been doing, for advice on how to train her. I got advice from a child trainer in our church and got the book "The New Strong Willed Child" by Dr James Dobson. By the way, if you have a strong willed child I very highly recommend this book! It will absolutely change the way to parent your child, and give you some amazing tools you need to raise them.

I'd always heard when raising a strong willed child that all you needed to do was simply break their will. If you do that you'll be able to fully shape and mold them into the person they need to be. If you've heard this teaching or are putting it into practice with your strong willed child stop right now! Take that advice and throw it out the door. Never ever try to break your child's will, you simply need to train it. When you break their will you can crush their spirit and that is something you never, ever want to do!

Now, I may very well say some things that some people don't like but i'm ok with that. While I am no expert at all, I do have some experience with this issue so i'm simply going to go off of that in this post.

The very best advice I can give in dealing with a strong willed child is this, if your child decides to challenge you and your authority, you have to win every single time. There is just no way around this one. If your child wins, their will just gets stronger. My daughter will pick some of the strangest battles to fight, and as silly as the fight seems to me, as soon as she digs her heels in I dig mine in. For example, most of the time I let her pick out her own clothes but every now and then when we're in a hurry I will simply pick something out for her. Sometimes she's ok with this and sometimes she takes that as me declaring war and she is determined to win. While I completely agree that this seems like a silly thing to fight with her about, I do not let her win. You see, with a strong willed child it doesn't matter how silly the battle is. If they win one battle, they will fight you 10 times for the chance to win again.

A great example of this is something that happened between my sister and my mother when my sister was younger. My mom decided that my sister needed to drink a glass of V8 juice and my sister decided she would have no part of that. Well many spankings later my sister won and didn't have to drink the juice. To this day, at least 20 years later my sister still talks about that and rejoices in the fact that she won that battle. Winning is HUGE to strong willed children and honestly, it feeds the strength of their will.

Now I do think that when you have a strong willed child you have to pick your battles very carefully. I usually try to allow my daughter as much freedom as possible and allow her to make as many choices as she can. But, if I do have to make a choice for her and there is no way around it, I am aware of the fact that she may very well fight it. But one of the biggest keys to parenting a strong willed child is being a strong willed parent.

Now please don't take this as my advocating parenting like an abusive dictator! I believe you should give your children every opportunity possible to make their own choices, and they should have age appropriate freedoms. But every parent knows that there are times when you have to make an ultimate decision and with strong willed children especially, you have to train them to respond without argument. When your child is about to run out into the street and you tell them to stop, that is not the time to find out if they will mind you!

You also need to understand that the strong willed child will never grow out of this, it is something they will struggle with for most of their life. But they themselves will have to learn to not give into their will and it is our job as parents to teach them how to do that. However, if you can train their will when they are young it will be one of their greatest assets as they get older. They will not be the ones falling for peer pressure, they will be the ones creating the peer pressure. As my pastor's wife once said, when your strong willed child becomes a teenager, they will be leading their friends somewhere. How you train them determines where they will lead them.

This is such a complex subject and I know i'm not going to have fully covered it in this post so feel free to ask any questions in the comments below, or email me about any part of this that isn't clear to you. Also, if you have a strong willed child please get the book I mentioned my Dr Dobson! It is a fantastic book and he thoroughly covers this issue and answers many questions from readers in it. Learning how to parent and train a strong willed child is not something that comes naturally (unless of course you yourself were a strong willed child) so don't be ashamed to admit that you need help in this area. The sooner you do this, the better off you and your child will be.

Each Friday I tackle the thoughts and questions of my readers. If there is something you would like me to discuss feel free to either leave a comment below, leave a comment on my facebook page or email me at joinmeforcoffeeblog(at)gmail(dot)com.

Boys!

I'm a girl. That's a pretty obvious statement. I have always been all girl. When I was young, I loved nothing more than to put on frilly dresses and see how high they could twirl. I loved playing with my dolls and playing house. I only had 1 sister, so for the most part as a young girl I didn't know much of anything about boys.

As I got a little older I started learning things about boys. I learned that they were gross! Boys would play with bugs. Boys would go to the bathroom outside! Boys...they were just plain nasty. I much preferred playing with my dolls!

Then I got even older, and learned a few more things about boys. They suddenly started getting a little less gross. In fact, some of them were even kinda cute! There were a few of them that I wished thought I was cute. But, most of them didn't.

A few years went by and I met a boy who did think I was cute. He seemed to like me a lot and I kinda liked him a lot too. He was funny. He was smart. He seemed to "get" me, and I was convinced very early on that he was the boy for me! I decided that I had to marry this boy, and I did.

Then we had a baby. And guess what? It was a boy! Over my nineteen years leading up to being the mother of a son, I thought I had gotten a pretty good understanding of boys. It took me about 9 months to figure out that I was very very wrong. I knew nothing about boys!

I discovered that boys are born with an innate desire to destroy anything their little hands touch. I learned that every flat surface was made to be a drum. I found out that very early on, toots and burps are absolutely hysterical to boys. But I think the thing that shocked me the most was what took me the longest to learn. I learned that from a very young age boys are naturally curious about and drawn to girls.

I will never forget when Konner was about three years old, we were watching American idol and a girl came into the room in a bikini. I was annoyed with the fact that she was wearing that because my husband was sitting there but I didn't even think about my son seeing it. Well, I didn't think about it until I saw how quickly it grabbed his attention. He hadn't even been looking at the tv, but as soon as that girl walked onto the screen his tiny little eyes were glued! And right there, without my even knowing it had happened, my son had been exposed to his first scantily dressed girl.

Of course we very quickly turned the tv off and i'm sure that now, 3 years later, he doesn't even remember that. But I remember it very well. It's something that I have never forgotten and probably never will.

Since then I have figured out some thing heartbreaking. I figured out that it is society's goal to destroy the innocence and purity of my children as early as possible. I think boys are more susceptible to this than girls because of how they were created. Lets face it, boys were created to be drawn to girls. Look at the very first interaction between a man and a woman in Genesis 2...

21-22 God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.

23-25 The Man said,
"Finally! Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
for she was made from Man."
Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.



It took Adam no time at all to become interested in Eve! Men were created to desire women. There is nothing wrong with that.

However, society has preyed on that natural God given desire and perverted it and done their best to destroy the beautiful thing that God created.

I believe that sexuality is something that children should not be faced with. It was created for married adults. Children were not designed to handle it. But it today's society, children are not only faced with sexuality, they are engulfed in sexuality. Elementary students are dealing with sex. Take THIS story for example. Back in January an elementary school suspended a 2nd grade teacher after two separate incidents were allowed in the classroom. In one of the cases apparently several students took all of their clothes off and were naked in the classroom. The second situation involved a boy and girl engaging in oral sex in front of the other students.

Two things scream out at me about this story. First of all, these are second graders we're talking about. 7 and 8 year old kids! How did these kids even know about oral sex? Call me crazy, but I don't think children that young should know about any form of sex much less be performing these acts!

The second thing that jumped out at me was, the teacher was present for these incidents. This person was in the room. This person watched the whole thing happen. This person did nothing to stop it. And this person was only suspended because of it.

This is what is happening in our society. This is the kind of junk that our kids are being faced with. And this is the kind of stuff that is destroying our society.

So often parents are looked at as over protective if they try to keep sexual junk away from their children. After all, in todays world it's everywhere. You would have to keep your children in a bubble locked in their room if you are hoping to never expose them to it right?

I'll be honest with you...i'm an over protective mom! I will not sit by and watch as my son's mind is bombarded with junk that he was never created to handle. I will not allow his future wife to have to deal with years of sexual damage from the media and the world around him that he should never have faced.

Now I am not living in a state of denial here. I do not think that he will never see another scantily clad woman. I do not think that he will enter adulthood without having seen things that he should not see. I know that it would be almost impossible for him to live out all of his days completely pure. But I will not sit by and watch it happen. I will not excuse it as "boys will be boys" and that's just how they are.

I plan on watching my kids like a hawk and teaching them what the bible says about sexuality. I will not sit back and allow them to figure it out for themselves, or worse, allow their friends to teach them. It is going to take a lot of work. I know I will be mocked by both friends and family for being over protective, to be honest, I already have been. But I believe that it's worth it.

I'm so thankful to have a husband who is even more determined than I am to raise our son to be pure and respectful of the women around him. He is determined to raise modest and pure girls, who don't fall for the schemes of the boys around them. And i'm thankful for a Heavenly Father who has given us the tools to raise our kids according to His will. I'm so thankful that we're not in this alone, He will be right there with us the whole time. He wants all these things for our kids even more than we do and i'm so thankful that He is right here with all of us helping us make it happen.


This post is linked up with Raising Homemakers, Time-Warp Wife and Women Living Well.

Teachable moment

This morning my daughter came to me and asked me for a cup of juice, I told her to go find her cup, bring it to me and I would get her one. A battle began right then and there. My sweet 4 year old daughter is very strong willed and she decided that she didn't want to use the same cup she'd been using, she wanted a new cup and she wanted it NOW. I'll be honest, I almost just gave her a new one because I didn't feel like I had the time I knew I would need to fight this battle with her. But I reminded myself of the long term goal and dug my heals in right along with her. It took about 20 minuets but she did finally find her cup.

When she found it she brought it to me with a quiver in her little lip and tears in her eyes and very sweetly asked me for some juice. I can not even explain what those tears and that little quiver did to my heart! I gave her the biggest smile I could and stopped everything to get her some juice. I was so proud of her for overcoming her will and doing what I had asked of her.

When Lexi was younger my husband and I kind of lived in denial about her strong willed nature, we both acted like if we ignored it, it would go away. Can I tell you something? That is not how it works! The more we ignored it, the worse she got. The more we gave in, the more demands she gave. you would think that a two year old wouldn't be able to give that many demands. However, anyone who has had a two year old can attest to the fact that they can. It took us until she was almost 3 years old to figure out what we needed to be doing, neither of us had ever had any experience with a strong willed child so we pretty much did what we had done with our oldest. We got very different results!

As hard as it can be sometimes that I am still fighting these battles with her over seemingly insignificant things, I have to remind myself of the long term goal. My goal for my children is for them to grow into adults that love Jesus, live for Him, love their families, and work hard at whatever God has called them to do. There are things I would of course like to see my children do or be when they are grown but that is not my ultimate goal for them. It doesn't matter to me what their career is, or their hobbies are. If we can raise them to love Jesus and live for Him, I believe that I will have reached my goal.

When I ask one of my children to do something and they are not quick to respond, I can get very frustrated and even quite angry with them. However, I have to be honest, when Jesus asks me to do something i'm not always quick to respond. There are times I feel like everything on my to do list is much more important. After all, I have a house to run, meals to cook, kids to raise and a husband to take care of and be there for. Surely God understands right? I don't think He does. I think He expects instant action on anything He asks of me.

The verse of the day yesterday was "Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance." Proverbs 1:5. I think it's good as a parent to be reminded that although it is our job to teach and train our children, we ourselves are never done learning. We have to be a constant example for them and that also goes for constantly learning and being able to be taught.

Who knew that when I set out to teach my daughter something, I myself would be reminded of and learn a new lesson?! I love when Jesus works like that!


This post is linked up with the Time-Warp Wife, Women Living Well and the Raising Homemakers.

"Stay-At-Home Mom Regrets?"

I got a link to this article a couple of days ago and finally got around to reading it. It was written about a woman who chose to quit her job fourteen years ago to stay home with her 2 young boys. Her advice to mothers who may be considering doing the same... "Don't do it!"

I was completely blown away by this article. I know there is a lot of advice out there on both sides, but I guess I had never heard a woman who chose to stay home now so adamantly against it. Her reason for this opinion? Money. She is now on her own, her children almost grown and she is unable to return to the workplace and a job she once had.

My heart goes out to this woman, it really does. I can only imagine how hard it would be to be put in that situation. The worry. The fear. The uncertainty. But, I do not agree with her point of view, not even a tiny little bit!

There are two articles about this, one from the woman herself which can be found HERE and one from another woman who quotes and comments on the previous article. You can find that one HERE

I think the saddest part for me is how this woman is influencing other woman to continue working. I do understand that as a writer you hope that what you say will have an effect on those who read it so in that respect she is doing a wonderful job. It is however, the effect that concerns me. The woman who wrote the second article admitted that "Even though I’m a full-time working mom, I harbor fantasies of scaling back as my kids get older. Maybe going part-time, or just freelancing. I could still do the work I love, but also pick my kids up from school, supervise homework time, take them to swimming lessons." She goes on to say "Would this make me just like the proverbial grasshopper, whiling away the hours while the industrious ants prepare for winter? I think Read would say yes. Of course time with my girls is priceless, but maybe I should keep limiting it to before work, after work, and weekends."

The last part of that stopped me in my tracts and I haven't been able to get it off my mind since reading it. Is that what children are viewed as in this world now? Simply something to fill your left over hours? As a stay-at-home mother myself my heart is completely saddened by this article and this view of children and the importance of raising them.

I understand the pressure mothers feel to be it all and to have it all. I understand having a passion for a job and a desire to do that job. What I don't understand is having more of a passion and desire for that job than for your children. I also understand woman who financially have to work, times are hard right now and it can be very challenging to live on one income. Believe me, I do understand that! But I do not understand the view that a job and an income are more important in the long run than raising your children.

This was a hard post to write because I have very good friends that have children and have chosen work outside of their home. I do not want to offend them or anyone else in any way! I do believe that staying home to raise your children is the best choice, but I understand that this choice isn't always available for each family. I guess the point of this post is to present the other side of this argument. I believe that the absolute best thing you can do for your children as a mother is stay home to raise them. There is no doubt in my mind about this. Unless there is abuse in the home, I don't believe there is a situation that the child would be better off in a daycare rather than with their mother. I believe a great disservice has been done to both mothers and children by pushing women back into the work place. I also believe that we have seen and will continue to see the ill effects of this on the generations to come.

I feel that it's time for woman to start taking pride in their role as mother, wife and homemaker! I don't think I am missing out on anything by staying home with my children. Quite the opposite in fact, as I am blessed beyond words everyday as my children fill all of my hours, not simply after work hours. The thought of not having these precious moments day in and day out with my children breaks my heart.

As I said before, it's not always easy and it's not always possible but I encourage mothers to reevaluate their situation and see if it might be possible to stay home. I do believe it is the best choice for your children and I understand that it can and will take some major sacrifice. But after all, isn't sacrifice what parenting is all about? Just some food for thought...


This post is linked to the Raising Homemakers link up, the Women Living Well link up and the Titus 2 link up.

Out of focus

Am I the only one to ever get things out of focus? So often I can get caught up on the unimportant things and forget to focus on the things that really matter. There are tons of examples I could give but i'm going to focus on one specific one that has been on my mind lately, my daughter Lexi.

Lexi...gosh, how to even start? I've talked a lot on here about my kids and most of the time when talking about Lexi i'll say something about her being strong willed. I have been so overwhelmed and almost bewildered with her because of this and can easily get caught up in a battle with her. But I have to say the biggest most prominent battle with her has been potty training. Now any parent of a young child can attest to the fact that this is a huge thing in the raising of your child! Parents of other children around the same age as yours will ask questions about when your kids were trained and other things like that. Believe me when I say, it can be quite embarrassing talking to a parent of a 2 year old who is already trained and admitting that your 4 year old still is not!

I have been working with Lexi on this for the past 2 years. We have tried everything you can think of to get this girl trained! We've tried rewards, discipline for accidents, panties only, pull-ups...and the list goes on and on. I have fought and laughed and rejoiced when it finally works and cried when she's had 10 accidents in one morning. She's had really good days and really, really bad days and I have to admit that my mood and our relationship can change on those bad days. We actually went to her dr this week to talk to him about it. I just needed to find out if there's anything I could be trying that i'm not. But he said she's perfectly normal and she'll do it when she's good and ready.

So I finally stopped and thought about everything, and I figured something out. I have been completely out of focus when it comes to her! I have spent so much time focusing on what she isn't doing and have completely missed what she is and has been doing. In the past few months my Lexi's personality has started changing. Now don't get me wrong, she can still dig her heels in on something and it takes quite a battle to get her to change. But on a whole, her personality has gotten sweeter, she minds quicker (most of the time), she adores Logyn and plays with her so well, and so many other wonderful things. I have spent so much time focusing on something that isn't even a personality trait. My job as a mom is to teach and train and shape her as a person. Where does potty training fall under those 3 things? It doesn't. Plan and simple! Yes, I would love for her to be trained and it still is hard to swallow my pride in my skills as a mother in this area but in no way does it change anything about my daughter. I know that she will not enter her teen years still in pull-ups so it's all good! haha

So I have decided to get back in focus and look at all the wonderful things that make up my little girl. This doesn't mean that I won't grow frustrated when accidents happen, I am still human after all! But I will stop making such a HUGE deal out of all of this. She will learn when she learns. Until then, i'm going to learn how to completely enjoy my daughter and remember that my job is so much more than just potty training her. Now excuse me while I go give her a great big hug! :o)

Today

Today is Monday. Normally I hate Mondays. The weekend is over and it's time to get back to the normal routine. Time to clean up the house after having taken some time off over the weekend. All in all, I just don't like Mondays. But, today has not been just any Monday. Today was a special Monday! Today I got to go eat lunch with Konner at school! His school is awesome about allowing parents and grandparents to come up for lunch or just during the day at any time to visit. So far I hadn't had the opportunity to go yet, it's kinda hard finding something to do with the girls while i'm gone for about an hour. But my mom offered to come watch the girls for me today so I could go up there with him.

I stopped and got him lunch which was really special because he normally eats the school lunches. But of course that made me run a few minuets late. *eye roll at myself for not leaving with more time!* I got there about 2 minuets late and the poor guy was already worried I wasn't coming! It broke my heart! I very rarely am not able to follow through on something I tell the kids i'm doing so i'm not sure why he thought I wouldn't be there. But the relief on his face when I walked in just about made me cry! *Yes, I am a very emotional person! :o)* So we sat down with several of his friends and had a great time eating and talking about his day. Of course the kids quickly moved on to talking about God vs. Incredible Hulk since they all said they had learned absolutely nothing all day! :o)

Then we went outside for recess and he showed me all around. We did the hula-hoops, basket ball, races and then just all the other little stuff they have. There were a bunch of kids out there and he was obviously friends with a lot of them. They all came up and asked who I was and talked to us and followed us around. It was so cute!

While I was watching him run around the play yard, race with his friends, and do all the other things he did, all I could think was "Take a mental picture!" I know it sounds silly to make such a big deal out of watching my son at recess but to me, it was huge. I know that the days of him being my five year old little boy are almost gone. The days of him turning to smile at me and make sure I see every basket he makes, they won't last forever. There will come a day when one of his friends asks who I am and he doesn't answer with such pride! haha I'm sure 10 years from now, my coming up to eat lunch with him won't be something he looks forward to for days. I want to do everything I can to hold on to these times. I want to remember every smile, every look, every single "That's my mommy!" because once again i'm reminded that these times go by all too soon.

There's an old saying, "A daughter's a daughter for life. A son is a son until he takes a wife." I remember looking at Konner just moments after he was born and I was reminded of that saying. One of my first thoughts was "18 years. I only have you all to myself for 18 years." That 18 has now moved to 13. All too soon it will be 12, and before I know it those 18 years will be gone.

So while my making a big deal out of something like going up to eat lunch with him might seem silly to some, to me, i'm simply making the most out of every single opportunity. Because I know that very very soon, these opportunities will be gone. But for now, my little boy still loves to be my little boy. So i'll take advantage of every single moment that I can and store up as many mental pictures as possible!

Bad Mommy Moment

Anyone else ever had one of those? 10? Maybe you've lost count?! I've been a mother for 5 years and let me tell you, i've had more bad mommy moments than I can even count! There have been small moments and there have been rather large moments. Some long term, some short term. For example, i've never read a bedtime story to my kids every night. I've done it here and there but not every night. Bad mommy moment! I hate cooking with my daughter, i'm a bit of a mico-manager and have such a hard time when things aren't done exactly right. Another bad mommy moment. I have in fact allowed the kids to go to bed without brushing their teeth before. I know, the horror!!! Hard to believe huh?! I have used my tv to babysit more times than I should have. I have also yelled at my kids, it's horrible and should never be done. But yet, i've done it on more than one occasion. Major bad mommy moment! I don't know if any other mom's have had such bad mommy moments, I tell myself of course you all have. I just can't handle the fact that i'm the worst mother out there!!! :o)

But what about those lifetime bad mommy choices? Anyone ever made one of those? This year we put Konner in school, it was such a hard choice for us to make and we went back and forth on it for such a long time. We had always planned on homeschooling our children, after all, both my husband and I were home schooled so what other choice was there really?! But after a LOT of talking, thinking and praying about it we decided to put him in a public school.

Today he started his fifth week in school and over the weekend I started wondering if we made the right choice. He still has days were he says he doesn't like school and just begs us to not make him go. Nothing will pull at your heart strings more than that let me tell you!!! Plus the plan was always to home school right?! Why did I change that?! Am I damaging him for life with this decision? Was this the best choice for him? Would it have been better to keep him home? So many questions!

But last night I re-read a post on one of my favorite blogs. This post was about all the ways that we are homeschooling our children regardless of where they go to school. I couldn't even summarize her post so you just have to read it for yourself HERE. It's amazing, trust me!! :o)

So after reading that last night I was reminded of why we chose this route for our family in the first place. I remembered all the great opportunities Konner will have here. I think i'll always have the a reason to second guess myself no matter what the situation is. That's something i'm just going to have to figure out myself but the schooling issue has been settled for me once again. I believe this was the best decision for Konner and for the girls as they get older and i'm so thankful that for that blog post. It was the perfect read at the perfect time!

Now if I could just figure out how to fix all those other bad mommy moments!!! :o)

Not ready for Monday

Well it's here. Somehow this time has come. I was never asked for permission nor did I ever offer it willingly and yet somehow..it came. In just one more short day Konner will start school. It's so hard putting what i'm feeling into words, the emotions are all over the place. One minuet i'm thrilled to death and can't wait for him to start and in the very next breath, i'm in tears. We've known about this for months. We've planned and talked about this since January and yet somehow it still managed to sneak up on me.

I was talking to some friends about this yesterday because i've been a little bit surprised at how hard i'm taking this. One of the girls told me that something she's noticed in her friends is, mothers who's whole world revolves around their kids seem to have the hardest time with these kinds of situations. When she said that, I realized that's been my problem! For 5 years i've been a mom. That one word defines me. Yes i'm a wife and I pour everything I am into that role as well but having young children has just consumed me and been my complete focus for 5 years.

I've been there to see every hurt. I've been there to hear every laugh. I've been there to see every new thing he's learned. Now I won't be. He will be gone for 8 hours every day. I know it sound stupid but that's so hard for me!

For 5 years i've spent my days getting cups and snacks and sorting through sibling arguments. Those days are now coming to an end. I realized as I got Konner a cup yesterday, I won't be doing that all day anymore. It seems so small but yet it hit me so hard! I've dreamed of the day where sippy cups didn't take up the majority of my day and for Konner, that day has come. Now that it's here I know i'm going to miss it.

Yesterday I made a conscious effort to savor every moment. Yesterday was our last normal weekday for the four of us. Starting Monday we will begin a new normal and while i'm so thrilled about all the new things to come, i'm doing everything I can to enjoy these last few days.

Karen Kingsbury wrote a children's book some time ago titled "Let me hold you longer". In it she talks about how we as parents look so forward to each "first" our child experiences and yet never stop to savor each "last" as well. So over these last few days i've been trying to stop and notice as well as savor each "last" with Konner. For some reason come Monday, he won't have aged any and yet somehow, he'll be so much older! I'm sure i'll post again sometime early next week to talk about his first day or first few days at school so for now, i'll leave you with the words of "Let me hold you longer"...


Let Me Hold You Longer

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts,
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts…

The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket,
wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you’d marry
me when you grew old.

Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if
I’d known they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park,
your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite
faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten,
those last few days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League,
last colored picture made.

I never said good-bye to all
your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow-
will I recognize your lasts?

The last time that you catch a frog
in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot
across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images
will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures,
never quite sure of your lasts…

The last time that I comb your hair
or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with you
and tuck you in at night.

The last time when we cuddle
with a book, just me and you
The last time you jump in our bed
and sleep between us two.

The last piano lesson,
last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school,
last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days
that haven’t come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss
today’s sweet, precious lasts…

The last time that I help you with
a math or spelling test.
The last time when I shout that yes,
your room is still a mess.

The last time that you need me for
a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night
with your old tattered bear.

My life keeps moving faster,
stealing precious days that pass,
I want to hold on longer-
want to recognize your lasts…

The last time that you need my help
with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for
advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me
about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey
for your high school team.

I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed
seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time,
I’d hold on to your lasts.

For come some bright fall morning,
you’ll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a brilliant sort of way.

One last hug, one last good-bye,
one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand
just how much you’ll be missed.

I’ll watch you leave and think how fast
our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer, God,
to every precious last.

All too soon, the clock will strike midnight...

This is a note my husband Colby wrote on his facebook. It was so beautiful that I decided to steal it and post it here! :o)


All too soon, the clock will strike midnight...

I have three children. I love all of my children with everything I have. It is hard to explain to anyone who only has one child how this can be. When you only have one child you love them with your whole heart. In fact they so fill your heart, that you can't imagine having anymore love to give. But when you have another child, your love is not split, it is doubled. It's as if you suddenly have another heart to give. And I think anyone who has multiple children would testify to this.

Having established that fact, I would like to take a minute to talk about just one of my children: My middle daughter Lexi. I have been accused (by certain parties who shall remain unnamed) of playing favorites with her and being softer on her than I am the others. While the jury is still out on this matter, I will say that none of them can melt my heart the way she can. One of our favorite things to do is dance to Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella". She puts on her Cinderella dress-up outfit, I pick her up, and we do our best waltz to these words "So I'll dance with Cinderella, while she is here in my arms. Because I know something the prince never knew. Yes I'll dance with Cinderella. I don't want to miss even one song. Because all to soon the clock will strike midnight...and she'll be gone." There are many things in my life I would like to forget. But there are some things I hope never to forget. These moments when she is "daddy's little girl" are some of the moments I cling to, desperate to remember them through senility and old age.

We spent yesterday evening at Wonderland Park. Since Konner had his favorite cousin there, and Jamie had her sister to ride the rides with her that I could not handle, me and Lexi spent a great deal of time just the two of us (a privilege I happily accepted). We rode the ferris wheel with Jamie's Dad and Grandmother, and I let her bury her face in my shirt when she decided it was scary. She rode the cars, well, only the pink one. She rode the ponies and I stood by her, then switched her to another pony when she decided she needed "to hold on to that thingy (the reigns)", and then rode on a pony with roses in it's hair when she decided I needed to ride next to her. One of the last things she wanted to do was ride the Frog Hopper again. We made it in line as they were about to close it down, and they agreed to allow one more ride. As the ride began to rise, and then bounce downward repeatedly, Lexi started giggling. As she did I was reminded of a speech from (of all things) the sitcom "Friends", as a man who's girlfriend broke up with him tries to re-win her affections with these words: "If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move. If I had known the last time I kissed you would be the last time, I never would have stopped." So there I stood, drinking in every individual laugh. Memorizing them. Saving them away for the day when that sound no longer fills my house, and purposing to treasure every time that I am fortunate enough to hear her call me "Daddy"

You see, I decided a long time ago that I will be the dad who is at every recital, every softball game, and every rock concert (even if it is only in our garage). I will kiss every owie, I will drink every cup of tea, I will dry every tear, I will return every hug, and I will try with every breath to be worthy of the gift God has given me. The gift called fatherhood. I will love them, I will protect them, and I will be there. I will teach them the great lessons of life someday. But for now, as the little moments of life go flying by, I will put my burdens aside to enjoy a simple living room waltz. And I will not miss even one song.

-Colby

Just one mom's perspective

I recently took some time-while folding laundry-to rewatch the "Anne Of Green Gables" movies and fell in love with Anne all over again! I haven't watched those movies in such a long time and it brought back so many memories, I think I laughed harder, and cried harder for that matter, this time than I ever have before. Now that I’m older and get so much more of it the whole thing just came so much more alive for me. I remembered being a little girl and having the imagination of Anne and even wishing I could be her, she had a much more interesting life than I did and she had red hair! I would've loved to have red hair, it would've been much better than plain old dirty blonde!

One of my favorite scenes in the whole movie is where a mouse drowns in the sauce for the plum pudding that they were making for dinner that evening. She tries so hard to tell Marillla that she was imagining she was a nun....and forgot to put the cover on the sauce and a mouse drowned in it. That was me as a kid! I had a poster hanging over my bed that said "I mean to work hard Lord, but I keep running across things that are much more fun to do!" That was my life! I lived in my books and in my imagination. I thought there was nothing greater in the world than putting on my dress up clothes and walking into my world of make-believe.

However I lived in my world of make-believe for far to long, I took it with me into my teen years and even the early years of my marriage. I grew up planning what my life would be like and what kind of husband I would have, all the romantic things he would say and the 1000's of times he would bring home roses. I was going to keep a perfect house and raise the perfect children who of course would always look liked they just stepped out of a children's clothing add and would never dream of disobeying me! I of course would be the perfect american housewife, I would always be dressed in the latest fashions and keep a spotless house, and of course there would be a beautifully cooked meal on the table for breakfast lunch and dinner every single day! My christian walk would be picture perfect, I’d never miss a day in my bible reading and would be known among my friends as the "perfect Christian"! I would also be the perfect mother; I’d never ever lose my temper with my children who were just as perfect as I was. After all, they would have me as a role model, why wouldn't they be perfect?!

To that description all I have to say is....HA! I would love to say that I just described our home to you but I didn't even come close! While yes my husband is amazing, he sadly doesn't sit around all day dreaming up romantic things to say to me, nor does he come home with a huge bouquet of flowers each and every week! He loves to sit and watch tv or work on the computer instead of listing all my charming attributes, imagine that! My home is far from perfect! The outside needs painted and patched in several places, it is far from the dream house I’d always planned on; and the inside? Lets just say you can tell 3 kids live here! As for those 3 kids, they are amazing and absolutely the cutest kids in the world-in my humble opinion!-but they are hardly ever fixed up and perfect looking. On the rare occasion that they are fixed up just right with every hair in place, it usually only lasts until I place the finishing touches on them if that long. They don't mind me all the time and have been known to throw some royal fits! Which is of course shocking, after all, they do have me for a role model. Why aren't they perfect children?! Oh yeah, they have me for a role model...

I, sadly, am not the perfect american housewife that I planned to be. I am not always dressed perfectly; in fact right now I am still in my pj's drinking my coffee! I don't think my house has ever been spotless and I have NEVER served a beautiful breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one day! I am not a perfect mom, and sadly, I often lose my temper with at least one of the kids and even my husband! I am far from perfect and have made some pretty huge mistakes in my life. But you know what? I'm ok with all this. I will never be mistaken for Martha Stewart for my elegant home or Julia Child for my gourmet cooking; you will also never see me on the cover of a fashion magazine and I’m ok with that. I'll probably never be up for Mother of the Year, and I sure won't be known as the best and most perfect wife, and I’m ok with that. And would you believe it? I'm not a perfect Christian! I actually go days without reading my bible and even sometimes would just rather stay home and sleep than get up at 6:30 in the morning to go to church!

See my goals for my life have changed, I no longer try to be all those things and I no longer expect all those things from my husband or kids. I have accepted the fact that I am not a gourmet chef or a wonderful house keeper-I actually rather hate cleaning! I'm also not the world’s greatest mom and I’ve even stopped trying to be. I no longer expect perfection from my children or endless romance from my husband. I'm learning to accept each of them for who they are with all their strengths as well as all their weakness. After all, that's what I want from them!

You know, I’m not the perfect mom and yes I do lose my temper way to often with my kids but you know what? There is no one in the world who loves my kids more than I do and no one who will try harder to make their dreams come true for them-excluding my husband of course! My new goal is to always hold them when they cry, to laugh at their silly jokes, to do everything I can to encourage their dreams and to teach them everything I can about having a personal relationship with Christ! As for that "perfect Christian" stuff?! Once again...HA! I could sit here all day long and name every sin I’ve ever committed and never even finish. I don't know how many times I’ve asked for forgiveness because I’ve committed the same stupid sin once again! But thankfully my Heavenly Father is incredibly forgiving, He allows me to come to Him each and every time and willingly offers forgiveness, love and grace each time I mess up.

I don't know if anyone else has ever dealt with these things or if anyone will even be able to relate to what I’m talking about but if you can I want to say something specifically to you....Relax! Take some time right now and breath. Stop trying to be everything for everyone and just be who you really are! No one will ever be Jamie like I can be Jamie! No one will ever be you like you can be you! I've taken some time lately and still am in fact trying to figure out what I want from my life-Martha Stewart and Julia Child aside-and while I may never have it all figured out I am getting some of it figured out. I challenge you to do the same.