Back and forth. Up and down.

Last week I talked about striving to become more like the Proverbs 31 woman. I shared a little bit of my heart and even asked others to join me in this effort. I then spent the next day failing miserably. Things were horrible in my home. I did very little house work, I argued with the kids (yes I do know that I am their mother and there should be no arguing with my children) and did not go out of my way to help my husband with anything around our house.

It's so hard to explain but I woke up the next morning completely overwhelmed with the task I felt had been placed on me. I got out of bed feeling inadequate and started to believe that it was already to late to make any changes. The second my feet hit the floor I was hit with shame over everything i've failed at as a mother, a house keeper, a wife, and the list goes on and on. I should have seen this for exactly what it was, an attack from Satan himself, but I didn't. I allowed myself to wallow in my self pity and inadequate feelings for most of the day.

But by 6:00 that evening I finally started snapping out of it. It almost felt like blinders falling off my eyes, allowing me to actually see what was going on. I managed to get myself up, make dinner for my family and get my house cleaned up. I ended up creating more work for myself my putting it off for most of the day but by the time I went to bed that night things in my home had been righted. I had a clean house. I was able to love on and snuggle my children. I also was able to give to my husband, I took care of the kids at bed time so he would be able to get his work done that he'd not been able to get to.

Since that day I have worked on pushing those feelings away anytime they try to take over. Yes, they do still come, quite regularly in fact. But i'm doing my best to see them for exactly what they are, an attempt to distract me and discourage me from doing what God has given me to do. There have been more failures, I have sat down when I should have been up working. I have fed sandwiches when I should have cooked something. I have sent the kids to their rooms to play when I should have gotten down and played with them. But, I have not quit. I will continue to fight this fight and not give up. I love what Paul says in Philippians 3:12-14 "I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."

That's where i'm at. I'm not there yet, not even close, but i'm still pushing forward. Like I said before, this is a long term goal and I refuse to give up!

Am I her?

Do you have a mentor in life? Is there a woman that you look up to and dream of being like one day? I personally have had several women I greatly look up to but I don't honestly have a woman that i'm close to and work towards being like. However, in looking a little closer I did find a woman that I greatly admire. This woman is everything I want to be. She is a wonderful wife. She is a blessing as a mother. Her home is well kept. Everyone who knows her feels blessed just for knowing her. Would you like to meet her? You can find her HERE. That's right, she's the woman in Proverbs 31.

Most women have read the description of the good and virtuous women in Proverbs 31 and most likely at some point it has put you on a bit of a guilt trip also. I know it has for me! I've read it my whole life and thought "That's what i'll be like when i'm grown up!". Well i'm grown up now and so far i'm not quite measuring up. I've read it. I've studied it. I've memorized parts of it and i'm still not her. To be honest there was quite a while that I didn't even fully understand exactly what she was like, King James english can be a bit confusing at times! So I decided to read it in the Message version and it really opened my eyes to what she was like.

There have been times in my life where I have failed miserably at being more like her. She would in fact have probably hung her head in shame at the things i've done and the way i've kept my home and family. For some time i've let the guilt of not measuring up keep me from my dream of becoming like her. However i'm determined to no longer let guilt hold me back. I have decided to push harder than ever towards that goal of becoming like her. Will I completely become her? No. Will it happen over night or even all this year? No. But this has now become a long term, ever present goal and something I will probably work on for the rest of my life. I am going to try to no longer allow quit when I fail, or become discouraged when i'm not changing fast enough. I will simply push forward with even more determination through every trial and obstacle that tries to slow me down. I encourage you to do the same. Let's all work and push towards becoming this woman like never before so that we may teach our daughters to do the same. I believe it's time for the Proverbs 31 woman to become known in this world again. Our daughters, and even our sons, need to see her walking around once again.


This post is being linked to the Raising Homemakers link up. and the Women Living Well link up