How Are You Treating Him?

Today my husband posted this status on his facebook page.

‎"You get treated like a dumb animal long enough, that's what you become." -Trumpkin, The Chronicles of Narnia. Ladies, how are you treating the man in your life? Like a dumb animal or a capable leader?

I don't know about you but that made me stop and think! I've said before that inside every man is a king and a fool. Whichever one you talk to is the one you'll see. But I loved how my husband put this today. So often when we get frustrated with our husbands we can end up talking to them like a dumb animal that must be corrected and trained. How foolish that is!

Our husbands have been charged with the daunting task of leading our families. They are the ones that will stand before God and be accountable for what is done in our home and how we're led. And yet so often we treat them like they're too stupid to do anything.

Men today are portrayed in almost every area of the media and the world as big ignorant children who don't know which way is up. They're wives are viewed as the only smart ones in the relationship and she most often treats the men like stupid children. Then we wonder why so many men are not acting like the responsible head of their household!

In Ephesians 5:33 it says that women are to respect their husband and let me tell you, you can not respect your husband and treat him like a "dumb animal" at the same time. It is simply not possible. One of those will take over and form your view of him.

Let's face it ladies, for men to be seen and talked to different, it's gonna have to come from us and it's going to start in our homes. And something to remember is, the way you speak to your husband is how your son will expect to be talked to and how your daughter will talk to her husband. It all starts with us.

Girls, we have to understand that we have so much power in the words we speak to our husbands! I know i've quoted this verse before and i'm sure i'll quote it again but Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue". That is a verse that should constantly be on our minds when speaking in and about our marriages and husbands.

It's time we stop speaking to the dumb animal and start speaking to the capable leader in our husbands!

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To Busy To Get Busy

I talked on Wednesday about being too busy during the holidays and gave a few ideas on how to make this time of the year a little less stressful. Now let's talk about how busyness can affect our marriage.

Girls let's face it, we work from the time our feet hit the floor in the morning until we collapse into bed at night. I doesn't matter if we are stay-at-home-moms or we also work outside of the home, we are constantly going and the holidays are no different! With that being the case, I think that sometimes we can get so busy we begin to neglect not only are interaction with our husbands but we can also begin to neglect them sexually. Now it's been awhile since i've talked about sex on here so bare with me as I blush my way through this subject once again. :o)

We all know how important it is to set aside time just for you and your husband. But how often is that the first thing to go when we get busy? It's so easy to push it aside and fill our time with everything else going on around us, but it can do such harm to your marriage.

My husband and I have 3 children all 6 and under so we stay very busy in our house. It seems like one of them needs something from us every few minuets, so that along with all the housework that comes from a family of 5 can run me ragged. By the time the kids get in bed and we finally have "us" time i'm often to exhausted to do anything other than sit in a coma-like state!

But sometimes my husband needs me to wake up and show him a little attention! I have to be very careful to not use every bit of my energy on the housework and kids, but to purposely reserve some of that energy for him. My husband is like any other man around in the fact that he has needs, sometimes he simply needs to sit with me and watch our favorite tv show after the kids are in bed. And of course sometimes he needs intimacy, which requires me to have enough energy to be an active participant!

So i'm adding one more challenge to the list from Wednesday...

Get Busy! ;o)
Take some time over the next day or two and look over your schedule, find a couple of things you can give up or push back to another day in order to leave yourself more refreshed at the end of the day. Put the kids to bed a little earlier and take a bath to relax yourself if you need to but then poor yourself into your husband! Don't make him beg for your attention or intimacy with you, you be the one to make time for it and initiate it. Save some of your energy and attention for your husband and I promise you it will pay off!

50 Things Every Couple Should Know

In out women's bible study at my church, we just finished going over a list of 50 things every couple should know. It was an awesome list so I just had to share it with all of you. It was written my Joe McGee and you can find his website HERE, he has some great resources on there. I will be back to normal posting on Wednesday, and I hope you enjoy!

50 Things Every Couple Should Know

1. The difference between what makes your spouse tick and ticked off. (I Peter 3
dwell with knowledge).

2. How to make your spouse laugh. (Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart does good like a
medicine.)

3. Positive memories become anchors for the future storms. (Proverbs 10:76
Memory of the just is blessed).

4. Please and thank you are not just words for children. (I Peter 3:8 Be courteous one
to another).

5. Not to yell at each other unless the house is on fire. (Proverbs 15:1 Soft answer
turns away wrath).

6. Your spouse has positive qualities you should affirm regularly. (Proverbs 7:21
With much faith speech and flattery of her lips she forced him).

7. It is fun to be spontaneous: tickle, dance, or join your spouse in the shower.
(Proverbs 27:6 sacrifices of joy).

8. The qualities within your spouse that ignited your interest when you first met.
(Revelation 2:4-5 Left first love – remember, repent, redo).

9. Major house projects may need to be followed by minor marital counseling.
(Psalm 133:1 Good for the brethren to dwell together in unity).

10. The important of maintaining sexual attraction. (Song of Solomon 7:10 I am my
beloved’s and his desire is toward me).

11. How to use a camera and photo album to document your relationship. (Psalm
77:11 Surely I will remember thy wonders of old).

12. Your spouse’s favorite magazine. (I Peter 3:8 Finally, brethren be ye all of one
mind).

13. To celebrate the little things in your lives. (Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that
rejoice).

14. To not replace the evening gown with the bathrobe. (Song of Solomon 6:4 Thou
are beautiful my love).

15. Your own intimate vocabulary (which is foreign to other family members). (I
Corinthians 2:7 But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery).

16. The quality of your marriage isn’t handled by how few problems you have, but
how you handle the problems. (Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers).

17. TV executives don’t care about marriage communication. (Mark 13:5 Take heed
lest any man deceive you).

18. Marriage should have more dreams than nightmares. (Proverbs 29:18 Where there
is not vision the people perish).

19. Biblical writers refer to the act of sex as to know. (Philippians 2:3 Let each
esteem the other better than themselves).

20. You should keep your spouses insecurities private. (I Peter 4:8 Love covers a
multitude of sins).

21. A quick phone call when you’re going to be late can diffuse a potential explosion.
(Proverbs 2:10 Knowledge is pleasant to the soul).

22. How to establish realistic expectations. (Luke 14:28 Sit down first and count the
cost).

23. How to take responsibility for our actions instead of blaming your spouse.
(Romans 2:1 Be careful when you judge someone for when you judge someone
else you condemn yourself for it takes one to know one).

24. How to face stressful events peacefully. (Proverbs 1:33 Shall dwell safely and be
quiet from fear of evil).

25. The importance of being straightforward about getting your needs met.
(Ephesians 4:15 Speaking the truth in love may grow up).

26. The attractiveness of a positive attitude. (Philippians 4:13 I can do all things
through Christ).

27. It is ok to read a book or take a course on improving your marriage. (I Peter 2:2
Desire the sincere milk of the word that you may grow thereby).

28. A walk together is good for both the heart and the soul. (Amos 3:3 Can two walk
together unless they agree).

29. Money problems are a major cause of divorce. (Luke 16:11 Not faithful in
handling wealth who will trust you with true riches).

30. Ignored problems will not become solved on their own. (Hosea 4:6 My people are
destroyed for a lack of knowledge).

31. How to dream big together. (Matthew 18:19 If any two of you shall agree as touching anything that they shall ask it shall by done of them of my Father in heaven).

32. The value of creating a safe environment to openly share your feelings. (James
1:19 Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath).

33. How to turn a negative thought into a positive statement before the brain engages
the mouth. (I Corinthians 10:5 Casting down imaginations).

34. It is better to help your partner be on time instead of blaming them for being late.
(Eccl. 4:9-10 Two are better than one for if one falls, he has another to help him up).

35. How to interpret your spouse’s non-verbal communication. (Luke 5:22 Jesus
perceived their thoughts).

36. The silent treatment was invented by a kindergartner. (James 4:2 You have not
because you ask not).

37. How to avoid the same sexual routine. (Song of Solomon 7:12 They went out into
the country to make love).

38. Happily married people do exist. (I Peter 3:15 Be read to give an answer to
everyone who asks you of the hope that is in you).

39. A few simple rules for resolving conflict. (I Peter 3:9 Do not render evil for evil,
or railing for railing).

40. The important of planning fun into your schedule. (Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred
makes the heart sick).

41. To be proud when introducing your mate. (I Peter 3:7 Giving honor unto the
wife/Ephesians 5:33 Wives reverence your husbands).

42. Sticks and stones are much less painful than words carelessly spoken. (Proverbs
18:21 Life and death are in the power of the tongue).

43. Men reach their sexual peak at about age 20; women at about age 35. (I
Corinthians 7:5 Defraud ye not one another).

44. Encouragement before marriage is kindness, but encouragement after marriage is
a necessity. (Hebrews 3:13 Exhort one another daily).

45. It is not the number of years you are married that counts but what you do during
those years. (John 10:10 Jesus came to bring life and life more abundantly).

46. The importance of a weekly meeting to discuss problems, family, calendar, goals,
finances, and so on. (Proverbs 16:3, 9 Commit your works to the Lord and He will
establish your thoughts. Man makes his plans and the Lord orders his steps).

47. The past is past, move on. (Philippians 3:13 Forgetting those things which are
behind and reaching forth).

48. Orgasm isn’t the name of a Biblical city. (Proverbs 5:19 Be thou ravished always
with her love).

49. To ask for your spouses advice. (Proverbs 11:14 Where there is not counsel the
people fall).

50. That God can meet every single one of your needs. (I Peter 3:12 The eyes of the
Lord are over the righteous spouse and his ears are open to their prayers).

Let's Talk About the In-Laws

The relationship between you and your in-laws will be one of the trickiest relationships of your life...until you become the in-law. My in-laws and I have had a very difficult relationship, a lot of hurt on both sides and a lot of things to work through. I've learned a lot from our relationship and I hope to carry what i've learned into my relationships with my sons and daughter-in-law. So because there are two sides to this relationship i'm going come at this from both of those sides. Let's start by talking to the sons and daughters-in-law...

To begin, lets look at the very first thing said about this relationship found in Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." I've always thought it interesting that Adam even said this, after all, they are the only people to have never had to deal with in-laws of any kind. So the fact that it is said at the very creation of marriage must make it pretty important. But did you know that is not the only time it is mentioned in the bible? It's also found in Ephesians 5:31-32, Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:7-9. I think the fact that it's mentioned so many times tells us that it's something to take very seriously. The fact is, when you get married the two of you start a new family. It can be very difficult for a time but it is absolutely what needs to happen.

Guys, as hard as it may seem, you have to do exactly what those verses say and leave your parents and cleave to your wife. The Hebrew definition for leave is "to depart from, let go, forsake, to let loose and to leave behind." That's a pretty challenging definition isn't it? The Hebrew definition for cleave is "to cling, stay close, to be joined together, to pursue closely and to stay with". That puts a lot of work on you men! I know that the relationship between your wife and your mother can put a lot of strain on you guys but take a step back and look at your relationship with these two ladies. Are you doing what the bible tells you to do? Have you left your parents and do you now cleave to your wife? This is not something that happens automatically, it can be a long and difficult process but it has to happen for the health of your marriage.

My husband had quite a challenge when it came to dealing with his mother and I, as I said, we have not had the best relationship so he had his work cut out for him! With the complications that come with the relationship between you and your in-laws you have to figure out how to handle things before they happen. Colby and I spent a lot of time talking about this situation when we were dating because I had watched my mom and grandmother have a very difficult and controlling relationship for most of my life up to that point. I had seen how hard things can be when the son is easily controlled by his mother and therefore the daughter-in-law is controlled as well. I knew that was not something I wanted to live out, and thankfully, I married a man who fully understood Genesis 2:24. But we still had a difficult time and all had to learn exactly where our places were in this new relationship.

Guys you have to face the fact that at some point in your marriage you will have to deal with a conflict between your mother and your wife. You are a very important person to both of them and at times, you are the rope in their tug of war. It's not fun and i'm sure it doesn't feel fair but it is something you will most likely have to deal with. So before you get in that position, figure out where you stand! Colby and I both know that regardless of the situation, we will always present a united front. I can completely trust that he will never talk me down or make fun of my opinions with anyone in his family wither i'm there or not and that is a huge comfort for me!! If there is a conflict between his family and I, we remain united at all times. Now, when it is just the two of us he is free to (and has done so plenty of times before) tell me where I am in the wrong and how I could have handled it better, but he has always been very good to never side against me in a disagreement. And again, this was decided before his family and I ever had our first disagreement. That is probably the best thing you can do for this whole relationship, take the time to figure out exactly where you stand before you have to make that stand!

Now girls, here's where your part comes in. I firmly believe that you come first and I support that position. But, and this is a really big but here, never belittle the importance his mother has as well! Your role and importance in your husbands life does not in any way negate the importance of his mom. Has her role changed? Absolutely. But she is still, and always will be, a very important person in your lives and your family. I did not understand this when we first married and I did a lot of damage fighting battles that should have been left alone, it is damage that we are still working on repairing years latter. I had this idea that any time we disagreed on something I had to come out on top to prove that I came first. And let me tell you, it's not worth it! Since then I have had to learn when exactly to just let things go. There have been, and i'm sure will still be, plenty of things we will disagree about that I do have to take a stand on. That stand would have been so much more effective and well received if I hadn't chosen to fight about the many other little things. Instead of looking for opportunities to prove you do come first, look for opportunities to stay quiet. You'll find a lot more of those and your whole relationship will be better off for it!

Also girls, everything I said to the guys about them leaving their families and cleaving to you applies to you as well. You can not expect your husband to respect you as the leading lady in his life if your dad is the leading man in your life. If you want your husband to side with you in a disagreement between you and his mom, you have to side with him in a disagreement between him and your mom. It goes both ways! Most of the time there is more conflict between the daughter-in-law and his parents but I do not want anyone to think that the man is the only one that has to leave and cleave. It does go both ways. If you can all get this relationship figured out early on you will save yourself from causing a lot of hurt and doing a lot of damage!

This post is linked up to Time Warp Wife and Women Living Well.

Sex part 2

Last Friday I started tackling the fun subject of sex, but there is so much to say on this topic and so many things to discuss that I had to stop right in the middle. So we'll just start right where we left off...

Let's talk about orgasms. I am going to be very open and honest in this post so if this is a subject that makes you uncomfortable please feel free to not read any further. Orgasm was one of the hardest words for me to learn to say, I don't really know why but it always just sounded bad or dirty to me. But very quickly in my marriage I found out that it was very important. It was important to my husband that I reach orgasm each time we had sex and if I didn't he felt like he had failed in some way. The more I talked to people and looked into it myself I discovered that it can really take a lot of work for women to reach orgasm! I had never heard that before and was very surprised. In fact did you know that statistically 2 out of 3 women can not reach an orgasm without direct stimulation with a toy or by hand? That's a big majority! Yet often men and women alike can feel like something is wrong, or they are doing something wrong, if the woman can not reach it through just intercourse.

Guys, on the other hand can very naturally and easily reach orgasm through just intercourse and most often, that is the only method used. With that being the case, a lot of men just can't understand why their wives aren't the same. Well guys, the answer is very simple...your wife is a woman and was therefore made differently. You should never get frustrated with her over this! That is one of the easiest ways to turn her off from sex and make her never want it.

Let me also say, sex is not the time to be selfish. If you get into bed thinking how much YOU need it and how long it's been since YOU have had it YOU can ruin it. Sex was designed to be something you and your spouse share and that goes for the whole experience. I think very often men have a habit of a "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" sex life. When that's all it is, you and your wife are greatly missing out on a wonderful experience. Men, you need to take the time to learn you wife's body, discover exactly what it takes to get her to the point of orgasm. It is something that takes time, practice and patience but it is absolutely reachable.

Now girls, you have a role in this as well! You have to be open and honest with your spouse. Talk to him and even show him exactly what you like and don't like. Your husband is not a mind reader in any other area of life so do not expect in it this area. Now I understand how difficult this can be, it doesn't matter how long you have been having sex, talking about it can be very awkward! But I promise you, if your husband can learn your body and what you like, sex can become an incredible experience and something you really look forward to.

If you are struggling in your sex life I encourage you to talk openly to each other about those struggles. The most important thing is honesty in your marriage and that goes for your sex life as well. Also, I strongly suggest getting a couple of books to help you in this area. They are "Sheet Music" and "Turn Up The Heat", both by Dr. Kevin Leman. These are excellent books and can be a huge help to you, as well as answer many common questions people have.

I'm not quite done with this subject but will stop for now. Next i'm planning on talking about some things that should stay out of your sex life!

Fun Friday!

This is my first Fun Friday post and i'm super excited! About a week ago I asked my readers if there was anything specific they would like to read about on here. The purpose of this blog is to have a place you can come and find something real and relevant to your life, so what better way to do that than ask for your thoughts?!

The first comment I received was from an anonymous reader who said "Sex is always a great topic. I love Christian blogs that are open and straight forward about sex, instead of treating it like some taboo subject Christians shouldn't even think about." Wouldn't you know this would be the first thing I get to talk about! :o)

First of all I need to say that everything I say on this subject will only be directed to those already married. Sex outside of marriage is wrong and I want no part in encouraging or teaching anyone who is not married to have a good sex life. Having said that, I may blush while writing this and you may blush while reading this but let's dive right in...

In most Christian circles sex is viewed as an "off limits" subject. It is done in private so it should not be talked about in public right? Wrong! Like almost every other part of marriage, sex is not something that you are great at the day you get married and you can very quickly develop problems. If you need to learn how to communicate effectively, wouldn't it make sense that you would also need to learn how to have a great and effective sex life?

When you get married, you walk in with all kinds of expectations, and regardless of your background you have some kind of expectation of what your sex life will be like. Most men assume that they will be having sex several times a week and most women assume it will happen every once in a while and you'll spend much more time just cuddling. Then when expectations are not met there are problems and hurt feelings, as there are in any area of marriage when expectations are not met. So lets break this down and talk about his needs and her needs.

First off, guys need sex. Period. God created them this way and no woman should ever make her husband feel bad or perverted for wanting it. I think in most marriages, women say no to their husbands far more often than yes. Your marriage may not start out that way but after a few years "no" becomes you most used word. You can do so much harm to your husband and your marriage when you constantly turn him down and push him away. Instead of saying "Not tonight" learn to say "Why not tonight?". Men think about sex often, they just do, it's their comfort food. Girls, how often do you think about chocolate or potato chips? The more stressed your day is, the more you think about that comfort food right? Well guys think about their comfort food, it's just different from yours. Thinking about sex with you is no more wrong, weird or gross than you thinking about chocolate!

Guys also need you to be an active participant, just being there is not enough. No man wants to feel like his wife is with him out of obligation. Girls, when you want to talk to your husband but it feels like pulling teeth to get him to communicate, it takes so much joy out of it and it's not worth it right? That's how it is for guys. If you make sex something he has to jump through hoops to get, it takes so much out of it. Sex should not be something you dangle in front of him to get him to do what you want, and unless he performs tasks A, B and C he won't get it. That is manipulation which is a form of witchcraft and it has no place in your marriage!

Now guys, look at some things that girls need when it comes to sex. While it it true that most women do not have the sex drive most men have, they do still have needs when it comes to that. For your wife, sex is about much more than intercourse, it is about intimacy. Without intimacy it can be very difficult for a woman to have and enjoy a healthy sex life. Now, look at the definition of the word intimacy, "a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person". Did you see the word "sex" anywhere in that definition? Nope, neither did I. Fact is, intimacy does not mean sex. Sounds complicated doesn't it? Well remember, you are still dealing with a woman. :o) Let me try to explain it the best I can...

Intimacy for a woman is very plainly, a closeness. Your wife wants to feel close to you, closer in fact than any other person in the world. She wants to know everything about you and have you know everything about her. She wants you to be able to sense what she is feeling and desiring at all times. Now while it is not realistic for you to know those things at all times, with true study of her you can get to be pretty good at it. And i'll be very honest with you, without that true intimacy outside of the bedroom it can be very difficult for a woman to be intimate with you in the bedroom.

Guys, you have to get involved in her life. You can not just show up at the end of your work day, plop yourself down on the couch and watch tv, hardly talk to her or your kids, be of no help to her in the house and expect her to go skipping into bed once you're ready. If you want a wife that is interested and active in bed, you have to be interested and active out of bed!

Also don't forget that sex is about meeting both of your physical needs. If it is always all about you, your wife will begin to lose interest in it and can even dread sex. When she dreads it, you will begin to hear "no" much more often. You have to learn what pleases your wife, explore a little (nothing that makes either of you uncomfortable). If you can figure out what it takes to please your wife I promise you, she will become a much more willing participant!

Ok I have to stop for now, but I have plenty more to say on this subject (including discussing the big O) so i'm going to continue this next week. Please feel free to leave comments about this post as well as any thoughts or questions you have for future Fun Friday post.

This post is linked up with Time Warp Wife. Far Above Rubies and Women Living Well.

What Women Want

Now that we have talked a little about what it is that men want, let's talk about some of the things that women want.

1. A woman wants to be valued.
Guys, I cannot even begin to tell you how hard your wife's job is! The inner workings of your home fall on her shoulders. Her work never ends, it doesn't matter if she works outside of the home or she is a stay-at-home wife and mom. Either way, she works from the second her feet hit the floor until she collapses in bed each night. Plus she is on-call during the night for anything the kids may need or if someone wakes up sick. Letting her know how much you appreciate and value all that she does and everything she gives to your family can make such a huge difference in her life. Never underestimate the value of a heartfelt "thank you" (and a surprise gift or night off is always wonderful as well!).

2. A woman wants affection.
The word affection is defined as "fond attachment, devotion, or love". Guys, you have to understand that your wife needs to feel your love for her. She needs to be reminded of it regularly. The old joke about not telling her you love her anymore because you told her when you married her just doesn't cut it! You cause both you and your wife to miss out on so much when you are not regularly showing her affection.

3. A woman wants conversation.
I have talked a lot about communication and for guys, that can be a little frustrating. But men, you have to understand just how important talking is to a woman. There are so many different levels of conversation. There is the deep meaningful conversation that opens you up and draws you closer together, and then there is the basic everyday conversation that is just a part of sharing your life with someone. Us girls need them both. Guys, a great thing to remember is, just as much as you want and need sex, us girls want and need conversation. You just have to face the fact that you married a woman and us girls just need to talk to you and have you talk back to us!

4. A woman wants honesty and openness.
There have been times in our marriage that my husband has been closed off to me. Some of those time it was because we were going through a difficult time and we did not feel very close to one another. Then there were other times that he was just wrapped up in his work and struggles that he was going through personally. But either way, when my husband is closed off to me it can be frightening! It instantly causes me to shut myself off from him and being closed off from each other is never any good for your marriage. As for honesty, there is nothing worse than a liar! Even if the truth is very hard to deal with, it's always better than a lie. Work on living a life of openness and honesty with your wife and your marriage with blossom!

5. A woman wants financial security.
Guys I don't care if she has a better job than you, your wife still depends on your for her financial security. She still looks to you to be the rock that keeps it all together. You have to do everything possible to make sure she is financially secure. Now, I understand that times are very hard right now and some people simply can't find work. But guys, in that situation you need to be doing everything in your power to assure her that you're doing everything you can to provide for and take care of her and your family.

6. A woman wants commitment to the family.
My parents divorced when I was 15. I watched my dad walk away from our family and choose a new family. The scars from that go very, very deep. One of my biggest fears in life has been Colby leaving and my kids and I having to live through that. For our first few years I lived with that fear at the forefront of my mind constantly. I would push him and test him to see if he would leave. I did not believe that he would stay, no matter how much he told me he wasn't going anywhere I didn't believe him. Do you know what finally changed things for me? He never left. Sounds pretty simple huh? It didn't seem to matter how much he told me that he wasn't going anywhere, I had to see him live it out. I had to see his commitment to me and our kids grow deeper each day. He had to BE committed, not just SAY he was committed.

7. A woman wants safety and protection.
Guys, you have to do everything possible to go out of your way to make sure she knows you are keeping her safe! If there's a sounds in the house at night, get up and see what it is. While you may be able to ignore it, she can not. You may be sound asleep but your wife can lay there for quite some time with her imagination running wild! Take extra steps to show her that she is safe with you. But you need to take this one step further, you have to make sure she knows that she is safe from you. Guys, you are stronger than us. That's just a fact. During an argument it can be very easy to let yourself go and you have to protect your wife by controlling your aggression during a conflict. Don't ever let your wife feel unsafe by the very person that God sent to keep her safe!

What do you think girls? Is there anything not on this list that you want from your spouse? Are you getting it? Does your husband know that you want it?

What Men Want

Have you ever wished you could get inside your spouses head and figure out exactly what it is they want from you? I have wished for that very thing many times. So for anyone else who may be wondering what your spouse may be wanting from you, I thought i'd share a list I got some time ago. Let's talk about what men want first. You ready girls?

1. A man wants to be respected.
Girls, we need to understand how important respect is to men! The definition of respect is "Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability". There are many things about my husband that I respect and I let him know that regularly. I love telling him what a wonderful father he is, how great he is at taking care of me or how great of a photographer he is. Now one problem you may have is if your husband doesn't have much to respect. If that is the case, look for any little thing you can find to admire and respect. One of the best things i've ever heard is "Inside every man is a king and a fool. Which one are you talking to?" If you treat your husband like a fool, expect to see a fool when you look at him. If you treat your husband like a king, expect to see a king when you look at him. How you treat your husband is so important! Learn to talk to and treat your husband with respect. After all, if a man's wife won't respect him, who else will?

2. A man wants a cheerleader.
I am Colby's number one fan. Period. There's just no one in this world who thinks more of him than me. There's no one who supports him more than I do. I love to cheer him on and encourage him. There's times he's been down and discouraged and I can begin to encourage him and cheer him on, when I do that I can see him start to lift his head a little higher. It's like a boost of energy for your husband. Make a habit of cheering your husband on in everything he does.

3. A man wants the "big event".
Face it girls, men want sex. There is nothing wrong with that, it's how they were created. As much as you want and need conversation, your husband wants and needs sex. Sexual intimacy is a mans comfort food. As much as you crave chips or chocolate, your husband craves sex. And again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Please do not make your husband feel bad or wrong for wanting to be intimate with you! There is nothing perverted or gross about a man wanting to sleep with his wife. Girls, you can do so much damage to your relationship with your husband by rejecting him on a regular basis. Make sex a regular part of your marriage.

4. A man wants to hang out with the guys.
Sometimes your husband just needs to be able to go hang out with his friends without a guilt trip. I know it can be hard for us girls, especially if you stay home with kids all day, to not cling to your husband as soon as he walks in the door. Now i'm not talking about all the time, if he is wanting to be gone every night of the week, that's not ok. But if your hubby is just wanting a night out each week or every other week, do not make him feel bad for that. You know you'd jump at a night out the second it was offered to you!

5. A man wants you to fix up for him.
This can be a very hard one for us girls. We'll fix up to go to dinner, or to go to church, or to go visit with a friend. But at home? It's time for jammies and face masks! That's how it is most of the time isn't it? While I do believe it is completely ok to wear your jammies and that face mask, it's a great idea to not look like that every day when your husband walks in the door. I personally love pony-tails and sweatpants and thankfully, Colby doesn't expect for me to be fixed up every day when he gets home. But it is nice to have at least a little make-up on and something other than sweatpants when he comes home.

6. A man wants his home to be his castle.
It doesn't not matter how nice or how run down your home is, your husband takes pride in it. When Colby gets off work, he is so looking forward to coming home and relaxing. He loves to walk in the door and sit down with the kids and just take some time to unwind. However, when our home is a mess and there's stuff everywhere, when the kids are screaming and wild, when i'm snappy because i've had a hard day...it can be almost more stressful to come home than it was to be at work. That's pretty sad huh? Now things happen and it's not always possible to have things calm and orderly when your husband walks in the door, but work to make a calm environment the normal environment.

7. A man wants his wife to believe his dream.
My husband has a pretty big dream, it's one that will probably taken several years to fulfill. Over the last year or two that he's had this dream he has grown discouraged many times. There have been a few times he was wanted to give up and try something else. Every one of those times I reminded him of his dream and I reminded him how much I believed in his ability to fulfill his dream. You know what? He hasn't given up on it yet! It's hard, and it's discouraging for us both sometimes but it is his dream. That is something I will not give up on until it happens. Knowing that I believe in him and support him is one of the things that keeps him going, it's one of the things that keeps him from just giving up. Whatever your husbands dream is, make sure he knows you support him. Make sure he knows that you will do everything you can to help that dream come true. Understand that he's not just here to make your dreams come true, you are also here to help make his dreams come true. Never forget that!

Up next, what women want...

This post is linked up with Time Warp Wife and Women Living Well.

Men and Women

First of all, let me apologize for having been absent for so long! We had some internet problems a couple of weeks ago and then summer break started and I just got very busy with life. But I am back and ready to get back to talking about marriage. So lets jump right in!

If you have been married very long at all, you have noticed that you and your spouse are incredibly different, so different in fact that it can begin to cause huge problems for both of you. It's pretty obvious that men and women are different but don't check out on me just yet, it's never as easy as just saying "I know we're different". It's very important to look at these differences and see if we can understand them better. The simple fact that you and your spouse are so different can cause a lot of problems for your marriage, however, if you can learn to celebrate and embrace your differences it can be wonderful for your marriage. So let's look at some basic differences between men and women...

Men and women have different purposes.
A man's purpose is to work, to serve, to guard and to protect.
A woman's purpose is to to help.

Genesis 2:15 says "And the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it."
And Genesis 2:18 says "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

Don't you love it when God makes things clear like that? Right from the beginning He lays it all out, this way there is no confusion about what your roles are in the home. Now this is not a discussion about women working outside the home or not, I have already given my view on that HERE. I am simply pointing out that God's original design for men and women was clearly laid out when he created the. Sometimes it can be very difficult for men to ask for help but men, stop being stubborn! God gave you your wife as a helper. And girls, don't ever forget you are there to help. Now that doesn't mean you are there to take charge, helping is very different. When you help your husband you are a blessing to him. When you take charge you are taking his job away from him and that does nothing to bless him.

Men and women communicate differently.
Men use few words.
Women use many words.
Men are headliners.
Women are fine print.

I spent a lot of time talking about communication so i'm not going into detail about that again, but it's very important to understand that you and your spouse do communicate differently. Guys want the main points. Girls are all about the details. When my husband is telling me a story he knows I want every detail. I want to know who was there? What was said? Who said what? How they acted? And every other detail you can imagine. I love details! Details are what make a story. Colby on the other hand could care less about the details. That man can have a 3 hour conversation and tell me about it in less than 5 minuets! Talk about conflict! It used to drive me crazy how little he cared about the details in a conversation. And it used to drive him crazy how very into the details I was. But we have both learned to give in this area. He knows that I will want details so he makes an effort to remember as much as he can. I also know that he is just not going to remember every single detail, and to be thankful for the effort he puts into remembering as much as he can.

Men and women process differently.
Men process logically and internally.
Women process verbally and emotionally.

I have found this to be so true with my husband and I. When we go through something, or we find ourselves in a difficult situation, we both process it very differently. Colby gets quiet and has to figure things out in his head before he wants to talk about it. But I am the complete opposite, I want to talk it all out and deal with the emotions before I can fully figure it out. This can create a very frustrating situation for both of us, and it gets absolutely noting accomplished. If this has been a frustration in your marriage, try to find a time when you're in the middle of a difficult situation to discuss it. Figure out how you each like to handle a situation and try to come to a compromise. What we do now in our marriage is, we will very quickly discuss a situation and then take some time to not talk about it at all. This way we get a little of both in there, I get to talk about it just enough to not go crazy but Colby also gets the quiet he needs to deal with it. It's all about compromise!!

Those are just a few of the very basic differences between men and women. In my next post I will be talking about some of the things men and women want. It's gonna be good! :o)