Control

I have discovered something about myself...I am a control freak! It's not an issue in every area of my life but I have to admit that I do like a lot of things done a certain way in a specific time frame (just ask my husband!). But sometimes that can really cause problems!

As I was thinking about this I remembered an older post i'd written on this subject. It's from March of this year and i've gotten many new followers since then so I decided to share it again with all of you. If you struggle with control, I hope you enjoy this post and know that you're not alone!


Struggles

I have been going through a very hard time lately. It feels like my mind and emotions have just been under a huge attack. It seems like no matter what I do or how much I pray, I can’t get past it. My husband even talked to me about it and said he’s been feeling the same way and seeing the same thing. In fact, it was him talking to me about it that showed me what’s really been going on. See at first it just felt like a pity party. How many of you girls have ever felt the need to just sit down and have a good old fashioned pity party? You know the one, it makes you want to sit in the corner and sing “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms!”.

But after feeling this way for very long, I started to feel like it was getting out of my control and my emotions were beginning to get control of me. Ever felt that way?

But control just began to add to the problem. See I felt that if I could just get control of it, instead of allowing my emotions to have control, I could get rid if the attack. If I could just understand what was happening I could control it. Have you ever felt that way? Like you could do it yourself, control it yourself? I’ve found out that as soon as I start feeling that way, the problem only gets worse. And it did.

Thankfully I serve a mighty God who sees me exactly where I am and meets me right there and knows exactly what I need to get through.

Yesterday morning I read 4 little verses that changed things for me. For some reason I decided to read Jeremiah 29:11, it’s a very familiar verse and one I’ve prayed over my children on several occasions. But this time I read it with myself in mind and I also read the verses after it which are not often quoted with it but are very powerful.

11. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
12. Then shall you call upon me, and you shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13. And you shall seek me, and find me, when you search for me with all you heart.
14. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord…

I love how this is said in the King James version. The thoughts God thinks towards me are of peace. Peace was exactly what I needed. Peace over my mind. Peace to my need to control. Peace over my pity party. Peace. Perfect peace.

I love how the Amplified version says verses 12 and 13.

12. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to me, and I will hear and heed to you.
13. Then you will seek Me, inquire for and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

How comforting is that? Here I am, feeling like I’m doing all this by myself , like I have to figure this all out by myself, and God used these familiar verses to show me that I’m not. All I have to do is simply call on Him. All I have to do is pray with all my heart, with everything I have. He’s right here, just waiting for me to call out to Him.

See, by me trying to take control of the situation I was effectively making the problem worse. I wasn’t only fighting myself in this situation, I was fighting the One who needed to be in control and just making a mess of the whole thing.

Once I was able to turn the problem over to Him, and once I began to “seek Him, inquire for and require Him [as a vital necessity] “ the peace that He wanted for me the whole time began to take over.

Now that’s not saying that the desire for control will never creep up on me again, but I do know what to do with it when it does. I can’t face attacks on my own. I can’t solve the problems I face on my own. I can’t survive my day to day struggles on my own. So each time I face a problem, attack or struggle, I’m going to seek, inquire for and require Christ as a vital necessity. And I know that as soon as I do that I’ll be ok.

Can I Be Real?

When I first started talking about marriage and other issues on this blog and not just the every day happenings of my house, the one thing I said I wanted to do most of all on here was to be real. So with that being said, can I just be real for a minute?

I'm tired.

I'm completely overwhelmed with life right now.

I wake up most days feeling like i'm at least a week behind in everything, and that's on a good day.

There are a lot of days that my kids drive me completely insane.

I have a list of chores that need to be done at least a mile long.

As much as love writing on this blog, there are some days that I just don't want to do it anymore.

My husband and I got in a huge fight last night and even though we worked it out, i've spent a lot of today wishing I could go back and have kept my mouth shut.

I currently have dishes from two days ago that still need to be washed.

As much work as I have to do, i'd much rather turn on Pandora and play around on Pinterest.

I'm dealing with family drama and really want to get angry, stay angry and lash out in anger.


I could keep going on with this list but i'm sure you all get the general idea. These last couple of months it has seemed that life is just getting the best of me. It's times like this that I have to constantly remind myself of two verses. The first one is Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." and the second one is 1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

See, I don't have to do it all, be it all or carry it all. I simply have to wake up each morning and do the very best that I can for that day. If the day ends and there are still dirty dishes in the sink but i've spent time with Jesus letting go of anger, hurts or sadness then I will still count it as a good day.

I've wanted to so much to be real in everything I say on this blog and right now the realness of my life is that i'm burdened. But it's so amazing to know that I can take each one of my burdens and throw them on Jesus!

If you're struggling with any of this and feeling weighed down with your own burdens, take some time today to just throw your burdens on Him as well. His shoulders are much better at carrying the weight than you and I.

Fun Friday: Gossip

For this weeks Fun Friday, I get to talk about gossip. I think this is something that almost every single person has dealt with. I would be willing to bet that everyone at some point in their life has been a victim of gossip as well as spread it themselves. Most people think of gossip as telling something about another person that's not true. It's like, as long as you know what you're talking about is true, it's not gossip and it's ok to share it right? Not exactly.

The definition of the word gossip is, "Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. Trivial, chatty talk or writing. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts."

I will admit that gossip is something I struggle with. For some reason it can almost feel good to know that you have the latest and juiciest gossip about whatever situation is going on around you. When gossip begins, whatever is being shared can very quickly change. It may start out true but it doesn't take long at all to get twisted, added to and embellished. After all, each person sharing the gossip wants to be able to tell the newest and juiciest part of the story. But what about the other end of it? What about when you are the one being gossiped about? That can be one of the worst feelings and it tears people down so quickly.

Let's look at what the bible says about this subject. Ephesians 4:29-32 in the amplified version says,
29Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it.
30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you were sealed (marked, branded as God's own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin).
31Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).
32And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.

The bible says to let no foul language or evil words come out of your mouth, but it goes on to say also let no worthless talk come out of your mouth! This kind of talk grieves God's heart.

Have you ever just said worthless things about someone? Say you see someone in clothes that you thought were ugly, and you shared those thoughts with a friend. Or a parent walks by with their kids and you comment on how horrible those kids are after they've walked by. Or you see another couple and comment on how bad their marriage seems to be and how it wouldn't surprise you at all if they end up divorced. Everyone of these falls under "worthless talk" and it grieves the very heart of God.

I think church's are often breading grounds for gossip. See, we can talk about and tell people pretty much anything as long as it's followed by a promise to pray for whomever you're talking about. But the bible is very blunt about this type of person. James 1:26 says,
26If anyone thinks himself to be religious (piously observant of the external duties of his faith) and does not bridle his tongue but deludes his own heart, this person's religious service is worthless (futile, barren).

As Christians, we have a huge responsibility to hold, or bridle as the bible says, our tongues. By not doing that you make all your other service, and everything else you do for Christ completely worthless. The words we speak to and about others can completely destroy our testimony and credibility. Also, when you speak like this you are completely fooling yourself about your christian walk. You can not follow Christ and lead people to Him if you are a gossip and have no control over your own tongue.

Take some time and examine your heart. Ask God to show you if you've been guilty of gossip and worthless talk, and if so, work on becoming useful, kind and tenderhearted with your words towards those around you. And in the future, try to not even put yourself in a position to hear or share gossip. Anytime you feel the desire to gossip or spread any kind of worthless talk, just ask God to hold your tongue.

Each Friday I tackle the thoughts and questions of my readers. If there is something you would like me to discuss feel free to either leave a comment below or email me at joinmeforcoffeeblog(at)gmail(dot)com.

Pride...Good or bad?

I have a really bad habit that I have to confess. I can NOT take a complement. Ever. It does not matter what it's about, I will find a way to knock it down. If you tell me I look nice, i'll point out what's wrong with how I look. If you tell me my kids are good, i'll talk about what they did wrong the day before. If you say anything about me being a good friend, wife or mom, i'll point out all the times i've failed in these areas. If you tell me the meal I made tastes good, i'll point out what's wrong with it. This one drives my husband crazy! It doesn't matter what meal it is, I will find something wrong with it every time, no matter what.

See the Bible talks about humility and how we as christians need to live humble lives. But I think i've always taken this way to far! I've always had the idea that if I accepted complements, I was taking pride in myself and that was not living in humility. I felt like if I admitted that food I cooked was good, it was prideful. Sounds silly doesn't it? But let me ask you...how many of us live like this?

Women do so many things for their families on a regular basis, and don't get me wrong, I believe in that. But what is wrong with taking pride in who you are and what you do? If you are an amazing housekeeper, take pride in that! If you love your husband with everything you have, take pride in that! If your cooking rivals Paula Dean, take pride in that! There is nothing wrong with being proud of who you are.

I saw this saying several days ago and it's really made me think about this a lot. "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself...it's thinking of yourself less."

Isn't that what it really comes down to?

I don't believe we were ever meant to live with our heads down, scared to death of being prideful. I think I personally need to lift my head up high and take pride in who I am and what I can do. I am a good cook. I love my husband very much and am a very good wife to him. I'm also a good mom to each of my kids. (I have to admit that as I write each of these it's very hard to not add in little "buts" after each one.) :o) But, i'm not gonna do it! I am proud of who I am and what all i've come though. Not only that, but I can't wait to see where all I go and what else i'll do with my life. I'm only 25...i've still got a lot of living to do and i'm determined to live it with my head high.

This post is liked up with Time Warp Wife and Raising Homemakers.

Basic update

I haven't posted in awhile and the kids are all napping so i thought i'd give an update for all those that care! Of course not much is really going on so it may end up being a very boring update! :o)

The kids are all doing very well, continuing to grow like weeds even though they never actually got my permission to do that! Konner absolutely can't wait to go to school this fall, he talks about it to anyone who'll listen! I still can't believe he's old enough for school. I try to picture myself as the mother of a kindergärtner and it just seems so weird! Since I was home schooled most of my life I really have no idea what all parent's do. I keep thinking i'm going to go in there and be the most inexperienced mother the teacher's have ever seen! :o) But i'm sure everything will be ok, at the very least we'll figure it out as we go and i'll be more prepared for when Lexi goes next year! It will be very different around here with him gone all day though. I'm not sure how the girls will get used to it. I'm already planning on crying quite a bit the first few weeks at least! My sweet little boy is growing up! *sigh*

Lexi...ahh my Lexi! She is quite a handful honestly. I love her to death but that girl is drama! :o) I keep thinking that I couldn't have been that dramatic as a child but i've been told by my mom and sister that in fact I was. She makes me laugh so often with her dramatics, everything is the end of the world with her. When she has to clean up her toys it's just so hard. When she has to try to go potty it just never works. When she has to wait to eat she's starving to death. Everything is very dramatic! But I guess that's life with a little girl, or at least life with her for sure! Oh and yes, we're still potty training. She's 3 1/2 and still isn't trained. I know, i'm a bad mom! :o) Now it's not for lack of trying believe me!! We've done everything you can think of with her! Rewards when she goes, spankings when she doesn't. Keeping her in panties, keeping her in pull-ups. You name it we've tried it over the last 8 months or so! We're getting close though I think. If I put her in panties and remind her about every 30-45 minuets she can stay dry. So far she's not remembering to go by herself but that's ok, any progress at this point is awesome! :o)

Logyn is still my goofy girl! She spends the day discovering all the new little wonders around the house. It's hard to believe she's already 1 1/2. Just doesn't seem like it was that long ago she was born. Colby and I realized that in a very short time we'll be out of diapers and the baby stage for good. It's weird knowing that we aren't going to have anymore kids, no more babies around here learning how to roll over for the first time, or crawl or take their first step. As sad and hard as it is to believe this phase in my life is ending, i'm very excited to reach the next phase. I know babies. I know toddlers. Now i'm about to learn grade schoolers! Crazy! All of life seems to be different phases and the older I get the faster those phases go. I know i'm only 24 and really not very old at all but life already seems to just be flying by me! It's so hard to remember to take each experience, each day, each new thing and hold on to it. It won't be here long.

Anyways, that's just a quick update on the kids. Colby and I are about the same, nothing much changes with us. :o) Although we are doing some spring cleaning around here. We have way to much stuff in this tiny little house and i'm so tired of being cramped. Of course when you have 5 people living in a 2 bedroom things are gonna be a little tight. We moved Logyn in the kids room last week so now all 3 kids are in the same room and Colby and I finally have our room back which is just awesome! It makes for an interesting nap time for sure but other than that it's going great. I finally went though all the kids toys and stuffed animals-and let me tell you there were a LOT-yesterday and got about 5 bags total to get rid of. Thank goodness! Now their room with be much easier to clean and less cluttered for playing in. Now I just have to deal with bags in my living room until we have our garage sale in 2 weeks. After that the house should be nice and clutter free...at least that's my goal. :o) I was going to post before and after pics but I totally forgot to take the before pics. I may just post the afters anyways, we'll just have to see.

Well since the kids are still sleeping I guess i'm gonna go get some more work dome around here. It just never seems to end! :o)

What will they remember?

I was looking over my facebook information the other day and noticed what i'd put under Job Description. I put, "I am a, chef, housekeeper, nurse, comedian, seamstress, entertainer, chauffeur, a parent, a teacher, a referee, a nanny, a handy man, a maid, security, and a comforter. I don't get holiday, sick pay, or a day off, I work through the day and some of the night, I am under paid and over worked. But I must admit, I love every minute of it!!! :o)" I actually got this from someones status a while back but it so perfectly describes my days so I had to use it.

I've had a few conversations with Konner lately about the fact that I really do work. He sees his dad leave for work every day and hears us talking about his job and was convinced that since I didn't leave for work I didn't have a job. Thankfully my hubby stepped in and explained that Konner was in fact my job, along with his sisters. Taking care of them was part of my job, as well as cleaning the house and preparing meals for everyone. Konner brought it up a few times after that but was always given the same response and eventually it must have sunk in because we haven't heard anything about it in a few weeks.

But today as I re-read the description on my facebook I had to stop and ask myself if this really does describe my job as a mom. While I am all those things and while I do completely love being a mom there's just something off. Does everything in that short description cover everything? Is that all there is to me? Surely there's more to it, more to me, than that! When my kids grow up will they simply remember that I got them food and drinks when they needed them and I always had their clothes clean for them? Will they ever remember anything other than the things I did for them? Is that all there is?

When I was younger I wanted to and dreamed of the day I could make an impact on others. I was going to grow up, get a testimony-as every good little Christian does-and go out and change the world! That was my plan! But then I grew up and instead of making an impact I made some pretty stupid choices. Instead of going out and changing the world I had children and rarely do much outside of them. Instead of getting this great testimony I simply have stories of what NOT to do. That's it. Most of my plans changed, I ended up doing things I swore i'd never do and feeling very much like a failure. I didn't get the great testimony I dreamed of, I simply had stories of lots of hurt and shame.

Or did I get a testimony? Did I get something useful out of all those things? As for my dreams of making an impact, are those a complete failure? At first glance you might think so but if you'll take a closer look you'll see three very small children watching everything I do. You'll see a man who needs someone to lean on after a horrible day. You'll see a mother who looks forward to a phone call most days to simply say hi. You'll see a friend who takes morning walks and enjoys simply talking and laughing every day. You'll see a nursery full of children who need smiles on an early Sunday morning.

And what about the testimony I wanted? Well I will be the first to admit that I didn't get the one i'd dreamed of but I sure did get a testimony! I've thought a lot-and even blogged about-all the things I dreamed of and wanted to do and honestly not a lot of them have happened. I'm at a different place in life than I really thought i'd be but even here I have the opportunity to make an impact, to change lives. My days really aren't just about getting cups and changing diapers-although there are plenty of days that's all it feels like! :o) My days are about teaching, training, loving, comforting, guiding and many many other things. It may seem insignificant to many many people, and honestly it does feel that way some times, but it truly is so important.

I'm not impacting the people i'd imagined but the ones i'm impacting are so important. They are my family. The difference i'm making in their lives makes everything I do worth it. When they're older, my children will remember more than the silly insignificant things I do. My husband will remember more than the fact that at any given time I know where pretty much anything he needs is. My mom will remember more than the trouble I gave her as a child. They will remember the love, the comfort, the support, the compassion and even some of the cooking i'm sure! :o) When I look at it that way I really am ok with my job description. It really doesn't feel unimportant anymore. In fact, I think it is one of the most important jobs in the world! I am a wife. A mom. A daughter. A friend. I am simply me.

Just one mom's perspective

I recently took some time-while folding laundry-to rewatch the "Anne Of Green Gables" movies and fell in love with Anne all over again! I haven't watched those movies in such a long time and it brought back so many memories, I think I laughed harder, and cried harder for that matter, this time than I ever have before. Now that I’m older and get so much more of it the whole thing just came so much more alive for me. I remembered being a little girl and having the imagination of Anne and even wishing I could be her, she had a much more interesting life than I did and she had red hair! I would've loved to have red hair, it would've been much better than plain old dirty blonde!

One of my favorite scenes in the whole movie is where a mouse drowns in the sauce for the plum pudding that they were making for dinner that evening. She tries so hard to tell Marillla that she was imagining she was a nun....and forgot to put the cover on the sauce and a mouse drowned in it. That was me as a kid! I had a poster hanging over my bed that said "I mean to work hard Lord, but I keep running across things that are much more fun to do!" That was my life! I lived in my books and in my imagination. I thought there was nothing greater in the world than putting on my dress up clothes and walking into my world of make-believe.

However I lived in my world of make-believe for far to long, I took it with me into my teen years and even the early years of my marriage. I grew up planning what my life would be like and what kind of husband I would have, all the romantic things he would say and the 1000's of times he would bring home roses. I was going to keep a perfect house and raise the perfect children who of course would always look liked they just stepped out of a children's clothing add and would never dream of disobeying me! I of course would be the perfect american housewife, I would always be dressed in the latest fashions and keep a spotless house, and of course there would be a beautifully cooked meal on the table for breakfast lunch and dinner every single day! My christian walk would be picture perfect, I’d never miss a day in my bible reading and would be known among my friends as the "perfect Christian"! I would also be the perfect mother; I’d never ever lose my temper with my children who were just as perfect as I was. After all, they would have me as a role model, why wouldn't they be perfect?!

To that description all I have to say is....HA! I would love to say that I just described our home to you but I didn't even come close! While yes my husband is amazing, he sadly doesn't sit around all day dreaming up romantic things to say to me, nor does he come home with a huge bouquet of flowers each and every week! He loves to sit and watch tv or work on the computer instead of listing all my charming attributes, imagine that! My home is far from perfect! The outside needs painted and patched in several places, it is far from the dream house I’d always planned on; and the inside? Lets just say you can tell 3 kids live here! As for those 3 kids, they are amazing and absolutely the cutest kids in the world-in my humble opinion!-but they are hardly ever fixed up and perfect looking. On the rare occasion that they are fixed up just right with every hair in place, it usually only lasts until I place the finishing touches on them if that long. They don't mind me all the time and have been known to throw some royal fits! Which is of course shocking, after all, they do have me for a role model. Why aren't they perfect children?! Oh yeah, they have me for a role model...

I, sadly, am not the perfect american housewife that I planned to be. I am not always dressed perfectly; in fact right now I am still in my pj's drinking my coffee! I don't think my house has ever been spotless and I have NEVER served a beautiful breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one day! I am not a perfect mom, and sadly, I often lose my temper with at least one of the kids and even my husband! I am far from perfect and have made some pretty huge mistakes in my life. But you know what? I'm ok with all this. I will never be mistaken for Martha Stewart for my elegant home or Julia Child for my gourmet cooking; you will also never see me on the cover of a fashion magazine and I’m ok with that. I'll probably never be up for Mother of the Year, and I sure won't be known as the best and most perfect wife, and I’m ok with that. And would you believe it? I'm not a perfect Christian! I actually go days without reading my bible and even sometimes would just rather stay home and sleep than get up at 6:30 in the morning to go to church!

See my goals for my life have changed, I no longer try to be all those things and I no longer expect all those things from my husband or kids. I have accepted the fact that I am not a gourmet chef or a wonderful house keeper-I actually rather hate cleaning! I'm also not the world’s greatest mom and I’ve even stopped trying to be. I no longer expect perfection from my children or endless romance from my husband. I'm learning to accept each of them for who they are with all their strengths as well as all their weakness. After all, that's what I want from them!

You know, I’m not the perfect mom and yes I do lose my temper way to often with my kids but you know what? There is no one in the world who loves my kids more than I do and no one who will try harder to make their dreams come true for them-excluding my husband of course! My new goal is to always hold them when they cry, to laugh at their silly jokes, to do everything I can to encourage their dreams and to teach them everything I can about having a personal relationship with Christ! As for that "perfect Christian" stuff?! Once again...HA! I could sit here all day long and name every sin I’ve ever committed and never even finish. I don't know how many times I’ve asked for forgiveness because I’ve committed the same stupid sin once again! But thankfully my Heavenly Father is incredibly forgiving, He allows me to come to Him each and every time and willingly offers forgiveness, love and grace each time I mess up.

I don't know if anyone else has ever dealt with these things or if anyone will even be able to relate to what I’m talking about but if you can I want to say something specifically to you....Relax! Take some time right now and breath. Stop trying to be everything for everyone and just be who you really are! No one will ever be Jamie like I can be Jamie! No one will ever be you like you can be you! I've taken some time lately and still am in fact trying to figure out what I want from my life-Martha Stewart and Julia Child aside-and while I may never have it all figured out I am getting some of it figured out. I challenge you to do the same.

2009...our year in pictures

Well since this is the last day of the year many people are reflecting on the past year and looking forward to the year ahead. So I suppose i'll join in. :o)

2009 was a very special year for us, we welcomed our beautiful Logyn to our family in January.


Watched Lexi grow from toddler,



To little girl.




Saw Konner mature even more from little boy,



to just boy.




Colby and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary,




And got to go on our first vacation.




All in all we had a great year and I can't wait to see what next year brings! So from our family to yours...Happy New Year!!




May 2010 be the best year ever!!!

Two weeks!!!

Lexi's birthday party is only 2 weeks from today! Where has the time gone? I still have so much to get and so much to do around here, i've been starting to feel a little panic actually because it's coming so soon! I still have to get all the cake stuff, although I am just getting the box mixes so that'll make it a little easier on me. I still have to get all the stuff for her cookie wands as well as the rest of the decorations. We got the pony decorations in today so that's a relief, everything else we'll just be getting at Walmart so I don't have to worry about it not being here in time.

We also got her gifts already so that's nice to have done. We got her a pony bag for all her little pony pieces-it will also help keep them up so Logyn won't eat them-and we got her a pink piano with a microphone. She is always singing, any song she hears she ends up singing it or at least her version of it! :o)

That is going to be a very busy weekend for us though, Lexi's actually birthday is on Friday then the party on Saturday and then Logyn's baby dedication is on Sunday. I'm a little nervous about that honestly, it'll be a family packed weekend which isn't always a good thing but I guess we'll see how it goes.

Oh but we did get a set of cd's from the church when we signed up for the dedication. About a year ago Pastor Connie did a child training seminar at church, it was 5 sessions total and we got the set when we signed up! I've been listening to them the last several days and gosh they're good! I just finished the 3rd cd today and even though I was at the seminar it's still changing my view all over again. I think i've just gotten lazy lately and this is really helping to shape me up again. I'm going to get a copy for my mom just because she's works with kids so much, plus she has ours kids so much so it'll help her even as a grama. It's seriously something I would recommend every parent have and listen to on a regular basis!

Total change of subject but I did some baking yesterday! I made brownies, chocolate chip cookies and pumpkin cinnamon rolls with a caramel icing. I also made homemade spaghetti sauce with fresh tomatoes...my house smelled GOOD! :o) I don't know why but I was just in the mood to bake. I did send about half of everything with Colby to work today, that way it's not all sitting here begging me to eat it! haha! We're also having bible study tomorrow so i'll probably take some of it with me then too. The only thing that was a little disappointing was the you couldn't really taste the pumpkin in the cinnamon rolls. I'm not real used to cooking with pumpkin yet so i'm not sure how to fix that problem, I don't want to add too much more and make it to gooey cause it was already pretty gooey but it really needs more. Any ideas?

Well this blog has been kinda all over the place, that's just how my mind usually works. I almost always have 10 different things racing through at once. But Colby will be home soon so I better go, gotta figure out what we're having for dinner. :o)

Just an update

I haven't posted a basic update in a while so since I have a few minutes till the kids get home I thought i'd do just that!

This are going really good right now which is awesome! Colby's job is still going good, he's had a bit of a rough patch there but things are starting to turn around. It's senior season so it's been just plain crazy anyways, he is looking forward to June though because things will start to relax a bit more.

The kids are doing great, growing like weeds!!! Konner gets more active every day which is so hard to believe but very true. He is the wildest and sweetest little boy in the world! But he's so curious about everything, if he doesn't know what's going on he won't stop until he finds out! He's memorizing bible verses now which is so fun, he loves to say them to anyone who will listen which is so cute!

Lexi is 2 1/2 now and so much like her brother, she definitely manages to keep up with him and hold her own which is such a talent!! She's been fighting a UTI for the last few weeks which is sooo not fun. But thank goodness for Eat Rite, they knew exactly what vitamins she needed and so far we've been able to keep her off antibiotics which is awesome! She's has become such a little girl though, she's in love with dresses and loves to prance around once her hair's all fixed. She comes up and asks "How do I look?" and she'll wait for the answer she wants whether it's pretty, cute or beautiful! I tell Colby all the time that if she keeps this up she won't have low self esteem problems at all!! haha!

Logyn is 3 months old now which is so hard to believe!!! She's so much fun though and the kids are still all over her all the time. She's rolling over now and smiling all the time. She actually laughed for the first time last night which is so cute! She's just like Lexi was though and so ready to be big! You can tell she wants to go and do already which is fun and yet sad at the same time, since she's my last baby a part of me wants her to stay a baby. But I do have to admit that I can't wait for her to big enough to play with Konner and Lex, of course once that day comes i'll be out of my mind busy chasing after them so i'm trying to enjoy this time as much as I can!

I having actually gotten a small part time job through Colby's work, they make baby books and have asked me to start making them for them. It will only be an extra $60 or so a week but that's our grocery bill so sounds good to me! It's pretty cool though because it's basically digital scrapbooking which sounds awesome and right up my alley. So i'm pretty excited about that, it'll allow me more time to play on the computer and not feel bad for it! :o)

I guess that's all really, see this is why i'm so bad at doing just basic updates...there's rarely anything new to update! haha! Oh well, at least it's fun...

Things are changing...

Gosh it's been almost a month since I last blogged, i'm so bad at this! haha! Things have been crazy busy around here and we're finally starting to get into something of a routine but it's super hard sometimes. Logyn is doing awesome though and the kids are doing great with her which makes things so much easier. She's now 5 weeks old and i'm really having a hard time figuring out where the last 5 weeks have gone. It's gone by so fast and yet at the same time it feels like she's been here forever so it's kind mixed.

I've been kinda surprised at how easy it's been going from 2 to 3, not that it's been super easy by any means, it's just gone better that I was planning...of course I have a tendency to plan for the worst and worry about things. :o) The hardest thing so far has been keeping up with everything and still making time for Konner and Lexi, I really slacked off with my one on one time with them and especially Konner. But I really started working on making sure I set that time aside with him and things have changed a lot.

The last few weeks at church, Pastor David has been teaching on "Praise in the house" and teaching how to praise effectively, and also why we praise, and the benefits of praise. So about a week ago we got the kids a Hillsongs Kids dvd and watched it the next morning first thing. I could not believe the difference in our house that day!!! I told Colby that night that we hadn't had such a good day in weeks and I was seriously shocked! So we have been trying to start our day off with praise music and just set the atmosphere for the day early on and the changes have just been awesome. Last week was so much better than the weeks before, I was able to discipline better, I had more patience with the kids, I was able to get more done but yet still found time to spend with the kids as well as finally start reading my Bible every day. I seriously could not believe how different the week was just by changing that one thing, of course the fact that I read my Bible first thing every morning i'm sure played a huge part in it too. I guess when you start the day off putting God first He helps you align you priorities better...funny how that works! :o)

We are super busy this week though, Konner's birthday is next Sunday so we are having his party this Thursday night. He's so excited that he's finally getting his Batman party...he's been asking for it since Lexi's birthday back in November! We're planning on getting him his first bike and I can't wait for him to see it! Gosh it's so hard for me to believe he's gonna be 4! It does not seem like that much time has gone by since he was born. I remember so well the day he was born, as well as his first birthday and so many other "firsts". But when I remember all of his "firsts" I can't help but think of the poem that Karen Kingsbury wrote called "Let me hold you longer". She talks about the "firsts" but focuses on the "lasts" and as Konner's growing up and changing from my baby into a little boy i'm trying to remember to watch for those "lasts" because those will be just as precious to me as his "firsts". So here's the poem if you've never read it and if you have kids you might want to have a tissue ready! :o)

Let Me Hold You Longer

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts,
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts…

The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket,
wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you’d marry
me when you grew old.

Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if
I’d known they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park,
your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite
faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten,
those last few days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League,
last colored picture made.

I never said good-bye to all
your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow-
will I recognize your lasts?

The last time that you catch a frog
in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot
across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images
will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures,
never quite sure of your lasts…

The last time that I comb your hair
or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with you
and tuck you in at night.

The last time when we cuddle
with a book, just me and you
The last time you jump in our bed
and sleep between us two.

The last piano lesson,
last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school,
last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days
that haven’t come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss
today’s sweet, precious lasts…

The last time that I help you with
a math or spelling test.
The last time when I shout that yes,
your room is still a mess.

The last time that you need me for
a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night
with your old tattered bear.

My life keeps moving faster,
stealing precious days that pass,
I want to hold on longer-
want to recognize your lasts…

The last time that you need my help
with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for
advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me
about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey
for your high school team.

I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed
seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time,
I’d hold on to your lasts.

For come some bright fall morning,
you’ll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a brilliant sort of way.

One last hug, one last good-bye,
one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand
just how much you’ll be missed.

I’ll watch you leave and think how fast
our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer, God,
to every precious last.

Just another Saturday

Last night the kids stayed with my mom for the first time all month, she usually keeps them every Friday night but she's been busy with summer camps. It was so great to have the evening off, I mean I love my kids and enjoy spending time with them but any parent would have to admit that breaks are wonderful and help to keep you sane! So since my mom had the kids Colby and I spent the evening eating a dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches and chips and hot sauce while watching Ocean's Eleven. Doesn't that sound like the funnest evening you've ever heard of?!? To top it off we even went to bed at 10:00...my mom and kids didn't even go to bed till 11:00!! We're now officially old! haha! But it was great to have a fun relaxing evening just hanging out doing nothing, we don't get to do that very often.

Then this morning I got up and finished filling out all the invitations for the baby shower that i'm throwing while watching Pride and Prejudice...which just happens to be one of the greatest movies of all time! I really do enjoy days where nothing much is required, I don't get those days often. It's funny, Colby honestly expects so little of me right now and it's great, but at the same time I expect so much of myself that I have to fight living on a constant guilt trip about what i'm not doing. I've had a really hard time during this pregnancy, I haven't been very sick but I have absolutely NO energy for anything. I'm able to take care of the kids and do a basic cleaning job around the house but after that I feel like i've just run a marathon! I just keep trying to remind myself that as long as the kids are taken care of that's what's most important and i'm doing a good job. I saw a quote, and actually used it in my scrapbook, that says "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it's still snowing" and that is sooo true!!

I can't wait for next week, we actually have alot going on that i'm really excited about. First of all Colby is off work on Sunday (of course) and Monday so we'll have 2 days together which will be great, but the best part is he only has to work 3 days next week and then he gets a 4 day weekend since it's the fourth of July weekend!! I love days when he's home, we all have such a good time together and the kids absolutely love "daddy time". Also I should be getting my glasses in on Monday or Tuesday so i'll finally be able to see, something that I haven't been able to really do for the last 5 years! haha! Then I have my first doctor's apt on Thursday so i'm really excited about that, i'm hoping that we'll get to set up a sonogram sometime soon because i'm dying to know how far along I am!!! I think i'm due sometime in January but I honestly have no idea and when you tell people that they tend to look at you funny. So i'll be glad to know...We did finally decided on names though so that's great, for a boy the name will be Logan Chase and for a girl it will be Logan Audrey. It might seem kinda weird that we're using Logan for either a boy or girl but I really love the name and when I thought about using it for a girl I absolutely loved it!!

Well I guess i've rambled on and on about nothing long enough so i'll stop for now....if I don't stop i'll have nothing to ramble about tomorrow!! haha!