The topic for this Friday's post is on words. One of my facebook followers posted this on my wall... "I would love to hear your thoughts on "Words" in a marriage. Like how they can build or destroy your marriage relationship. How a person's past experiences or how they were raised can affect the words they speak and how to change the way we speak to each other."
Words. Everything in our life is surrounded by words. But how much thought do you put into the words you speak? We talk about everything in life but often times I think we speak without thinking first. Not only can doing so hurt people but I believe that words are power holders and every word you speak you releases power.
Think about this for a minuet, at the very beginning of the bible God goes through and explains how the universe and everything in it was created. Have you ever noticed that it was all done through the words God spoke? That's it, just words. His words created everything. Then if you look over in Mark 11 you'll see Jesus curse a fig tree and it withers up from the roots and dies. Again, He used only his words but this time instead of His words bringing life they brought death.
Now how does this relate to marriage? The bible says in Proverbs 18:21 that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" and I believe that is in any area of your life. But lets talk specifically about the words you speak in your marriage. I believe that the person you are most careless in your words with is your spouse. They hear it all! If you're anything like me, you just spew the good the bad and the ugly over them all the time. Colby is the person I talk about everything to, both good and bad. He's also the person I can get the angriest with, and when i'm angry I speak angry words.
Have you ever said words like "You're a horrible husband/wife!" "I hate being married!" "I want a divorce" or any other number of statements like this? Did you realize that with every word you spoke, you released death into your marriage? I've said before that one of my favorite sayings is "Inside every man there is a king and a fool. Which one are you talking to?" I believe that whichever one you talk to, that's the one you will see. The reason for that is, with your words you are speaking life into either the king or the fool in him. It's so important to only speak life into the king inside your husband! The king is the one you want to rise up in him, not the fool!
I believe simply speaking the word "divorce" in your marriage causes so much damage! The very definition of this word is "To cut off; separate or disunite" and every single time you speak it you are releasing that into your marriage. Remember, death and life are in the power of your tongue. Are yours speaking death over your marriage or life? Instead of saying things like "I want a divorce" say things like "No matter what, I refuse to get a divorce!" You can take control of a situation simply with your words! God created the entire universe simply with His words and He has given you that same power. Take that power and use it with complete authority!
Now I know that things in your past and your background can effect who you are and how you view things but Romans 12:2 says "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God". It doesn't matter what is in your past, as a Christian, you are to be completely transformed in your mind, spirit and body. I'm not saying it's easy! My parents divorced when I was 15 and i'll be honest, sometimes it seems impossible for my husband and I to make our marriage last. After all, everyone around us is getting divorced so why are we any different right? Wrong! When thoughts like that creep into your heart and mind remember that 2 Corinthians 10:5 says "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ".
I believe that you absolutely can change how you speak to and about your spouse and marriage. It isn't something that happens over night by any means, but it can be done. It is something that takes a constant and conscious effort though. You don't just wake up speaking different i'm sorry to say! You have to make the choice each day, and sometimes each hour, to speak life instead of death. I think a great way to change how you speak is to make certain words off limits. Obviously the first word is divorce. You should never make a habit of allowing that to be a part of your vocabulary. But other than that word, get very picky about what you cut out. It's ok to get serious and really cut out negative words in your marriage. Remember, your words release power. Negative words release negative power into and over your marriage.
Find good words to replace the negative words. Begin to find ways to speak life into your marriage and over your spouse. I remember when things were the worst between Colby and I , I had so many people around me speaking bad about my husband and my marriage. As a defensive measure I would counter everything they said. I would say things like "He is going to be a great husband and father" "We are going to make it through this" "We aren't going to get a divorce" and many other things like this. I said them over and over and over and you know what? They came to pass! I was constantly (and honestly without even realizing) speaking life into my marriage and my husband. So find every area you can to replace "death words" with "life words" and I truly believe that you will be shocked with how things can change!
Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer."
Each Friday I tackle the thoughts and questions of my readers. If there is something you would like me to discuss feel free to either leave a comment below, leave a comment on my facebook page or email me at joinmeforcoffeeblog(at)gmail(dot)com.
This post is linked up with Homemaker By Choice and Time-Warp Wife.