Monday, April 19, 2010

What will they remember?

I was looking over my facebook information the other day and noticed what i'd put under Job Description. I put, "I am a, chef, housekeeper, nurse, comedian, seamstress, entertainer, chauffeur, a parent, a teacher, a referee, a nanny, a handy man, a maid, security, and a comforter. I don't get holiday, sick pay, or a day off, I work through the day and some of the night, I am under paid and over worked. But I must admit, I love every minute of it!!! :o)" I actually got this from someones status a while back but it so perfectly describes my days so I had to use it.

I've had a few conversations with Konner lately about the fact that I really do work. He sees his dad leave for work every day and hears us talking about his job and was convinced that since I didn't leave for work I didn't have a job. Thankfully my hubby stepped in and explained that Konner was in fact my job, along with his sisters. Taking care of them was part of my job, as well as cleaning the house and preparing meals for everyone. Konner brought it up a few times after that but was always given the same response and eventually it must have sunk in because we haven't heard anything about it in a few weeks.

But today as I re-read the description on my facebook I had to stop and ask myself if this really does describe my job as a mom. While I am all those things and while I do completely love being a mom there's just something off. Does everything in that short description cover everything? Is that all there is to me? Surely there's more to it, more to me, than that! When my kids grow up will they simply remember that I got them food and drinks when they needed them and I always had their clothes clean for them? Will they ever remember anything other than the things I did for them? Is that all there is?

When I was younger I wanted to and dreamed of the day I could make an impact on others. I was going to grow up, get a testimony-as every good little Christian does-and go out and change the world! That was my plan! But then I grew up and instead of making an impact I made some pretty stupid choices. Instead of going out and changing the world I had children and rarely do much outside of them. Instead of getting this great testimony I simply have stories of what NOT to do. That's it. Most of my plans changed, I ended up doing things I swore i'd never do and feeling very much like a failure. I didn't get the great testimony I dreamed of, I simply had stories of lots of hurt and shame.

Or did I get a testimony? Did I get something useful out of all those things? As for my dreams of making an impact, are those a complete failure? At first glance you might think so but if you'll take a closer look you'll see three very small children watching everything I do. You'll see a man who needs someone to lean on after a horrible day. You'll see a mother who looks forward to a phone call most days to simply say hi. You'll see a friend who takes morning walks and enjoys simply talking and laughing every day. You'll see a nursery full of children who need smiles on an early Sunday morning.

And what about the testimony I wanted? Well I will be the first to admit that I didn't get the one i'd dreamed of but I sure did get a testimony! I've thought a lot-and even blogged about-all the things I dreamed of and wanted to do and honestly not a lot of them have happened. I'm at a different place in life than I really thought i'd be but even here I have the opportunity to make an impact, to change lives. My days really aren't just about getting cups and changing diapers-although there are plenty of days that's all it feels like! :o) My days are about teaching, training, loving, comforting, guiding and many many other things. It may seem insignificant to many many people, and honestly it does feel that way some times, but it truly is so important.

I'm not impacting the people i'd imagined but the ones i'm impacting are so important. They are my family. The difference i'm making in their lives makes everything I do worth it. When they're older, my children will remember more than the silly insignificant things I do. My husband will remember more than the fact that at any given time I know where pretty much anything he needs is. My mom will remember more than the trouble I gave her as a child. They will remember the love, the comfort, the support, the compassion and even some of the cooking i'm sure! :o) When I look at it that way I really am ok with my job description. It really doesn't feel unimportant anymore. In fact, I think it is one of the most important jobs in the world! I am a wife. A mom. A daughter. A friend. I am simply me.

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