Last Friday I started tackling the fun subject of sex, but there is so much to say on this topic and so many things to discuss that I had to stop right in the middle. So we'll just start right where we left off...
Let's talk about orgasms. I am going to be very open and honest in this post so if this is a subject that makes you uncomfortable please feel free to not read any further. Orgasm was one of the hardest words for me to learn to say, I don't really know why but it always just sounded bad or dirty to me. But very quickly in my marriage I found out that it was very important. It was important to my husband that I reach orgasm each time we had sex and if I didn't he felt like he had failed in some way. The more I talked to people and looked into it myself I discovered that it can really take a lot of work for women to reach orgasm! I had never heard that before and was very surprised. In fact did you know that statistically 2 out of 3 women can not reach an orgasm without direct stimulation with a toy or by hand? That's a big majority! Yet often men and women alike can feel like something is wrong, or they are doing something wrong, if the woman can not reach it through just intercourse.
Guys, on the other hand can very naturally and easily reach orgasm through just intercourse and most often, that is the only method used. With that being the case, a lot of men just can't understand why their wives aren't the same. Well guys, the answer is very simple...your wife is a woman and was therefore made differently. You should never get frustrated with her over this! That is one of the easiest ways to turn her off from sex and make her never want it.
Let me also say, sex is not the time to be selfish. If you get into bed thinking how much YOU need it and how long it's been since YOU have had it YOU can ruin it. Sex was designed to be something you and your spouse share and that goes for the whole experience. I think very often men have a habit of a "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" sex life. When that's all it is, you and your wife are greatly missing out on a wonderful experience. Men, you need to take the time to learn you wife's body, discover exactly what it takes to get her to the point of orgasm. It is something that takes time, practice and patience but it is absolutely reachable.
Now girls, you have a role in this as well! You have to be open and honest with your spouse. Talk to him and even show him exactly what you like and don't like. Your husband is not a mind reader in any other area of life so do not expect in it this area. Now I understand how difficult this can be, it doesn't matter how long you have been having sex, talking about it can be very awkward! But I promise you, if your husband can learn your body and what you like, sex can become an incredible experience and something you really look forward to.
If you are struggling in your sex life I encourage you to talk openly to each other about those struggles. The most important thing is honesty in your marriage and that goes for your sex life as well. Also, I strongly suggest getting a couple of books to help you in this area. They are "Sheet Music" and "Turn Up The Heat", both by Dr. Kevin Leman. These are excellent books and can be a huge help to you, as well as answer many common questions people have.
I'm not quite done with this subject but will stop for now. Next i'm planning on talking about some things that should stay out of your sex life!