Over the last few posts we've talked about love in marriage as well as some of the roles required of both husbands and wives. So now lets bring all this together and talk about the important piece that ties it all together. Unity. Unity in marriage is super important! From the very second you said "I Do" you and your spouse became one. Adam talks about it in Genesis 2:24 which says "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
I've already talked about in-laws and how to work on and handle that relationship HERE and HERE so i'm not going to go over that again. But I will say that in order to live in unity in your marriage it is crucial that you do exactly what that verse says and leave your parents.
Now let's look at exactly what the word unity means. I admit that I always just thought it meant "together" but the definition is actually much stronger. Unity means "the state of being one; oneness. a whole or totality as combining all its parts into one. the state or fact of being united or combined into one, as of the parts of a whole; unification. absence of diversity; unvaried or uniform character. oneness of mind, feeling, etc., as among a number of persons; concord, harmony, or agreement." Did you notice the word that kept popping up in that definition? One. In order to live with unity in your have to live as one.
In today's culture it is very common for couples to be married and yet live apart. They have separate bank accounts, separate friends, separate hobbies, separate interests...everything about their lives are separate. Then we look around and wonder why divorce is so prevalent! I believe that unity is the glue that holds a marriage together. You are one. You make decisions as one. You laugh as one. You dream as one. You live as one. You see yourselves as one.
Now i'm not saying that you can never have interests that are primarily yours because it's absolutely ok and you shouldn't expect to always be interested in exactly the same things. For example, I love scrapbooking, making bows, trying new recipes and all things crafty. My husband is not at all into craftyness, but he is a photographer and loves to spend time researching and studying all things photography. So while we do have some separate interests the majority of our time is spent on interests we have together. We have several tv shows we watch together, we raise our kids together, we serve in our church together and we spend the majority of our time living life together. When it comes time to make a decision for our family we discuss it together, pray together and decide together even if it means submitting to his final authority. But it's all done together. When conflict arises among our friends our families, we face it together. Any situation we face, we face it together.
I love that the verse in Genesis says "they shall become one flesh" not "they shall feel like they are one flesh". There are times that you get into a situation and it can feel like you're on opposite teams and you're fighting against each other but throw those feelings out and look at the truth of the Word of God. You are one at all times, not just when you feel like it. Work at all times to remain one because as you face the day to day challenges that come against your marriage you have to be living as one in order to stay standing.
Now really quickly let's talk about how to build unity in marriage. The best way to build unity, simply put, is to find as many ways as you possibly can to just live life together. Make a habit of including your spouse in everything you do. Take the time to invest in their interests, and get interested in them as well. Everything from where your kids are going to go to school, to what you're having for dinner should be talked about openly. Remember that you are one and do everything you can to live as one.
Over the next few days look at your day to day relationship with your spouse. Are there areas that you're living and making decision just for yourself? If so, make a point to include them in those areas. Never forget that the two of you got married to build a life together so work everyday on walking as one in unity in this life.