Monday, December 5, 2011

It's About The Same Person

Some time ago I was perusing books at the christian book store and I saw THIS book titled "The Coffee Mom's Devotional". Being the coffee lover that I am I picked it up and started skimming through it. I didn't end up getting it but I did find a quote that has stayed with me. "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." by Mignon McLaughlin

I absolutely loved that! How often have you heard about someone getting divorced because "They fell out of love" or they're just " incompatible"? It seems to be one of the most common reasons for divorce these days, marriage is all fine and dandy as long as the gooshy in love feelings are there. But once real life kicks in and things get really hard, that's when you find out what your marriage is really made of! So often people choose to simply walk away and find a new spouse to be "in love" with.

I love my husband. I often get those gooshy feelings about him and he can still make my toes curl with a kiss. But i'll be very honest here, it hasn't always been that way between us. We have had times where we weren't "in love" with each other and during those times it was easy to think our marriage wasn't going to make it. Walking away would have been the easy choice. Sure, it would have hurt at the time and our kids of course would have been affected by it but we still could have done it. But instead of choosing to walk away we chose to dig in and fight harder. We chose to remember why we had gotten married in the first place, dig deep down where it had been buried and uncover the love we had for each other. And through those times, we fell in love with each other all over again.

If you're in a situation that is anything like this (because I know we were not the only ones to ever face this) I so strongly encourage you to not give up! It may seem like you've been fighting for your marriage for long enough and it's just time to give up but I beg of you, fight longer. Take some time and remember what it was about your spouse that you fell in love with to begin with. What did they do or say that made you go weak at the knees? What was it about them that drew you to them? Is there even a tiny glimmer of that still in them? If not, take the time to look for a positive characteristic that they have and put all of your focus on that. Encourage that in them and build that up. As I posted HERE you have the choice of who you talk to in your spouse, either the king/queen in them or the fool in them. I believe that every time you talk to the king/queen in them and see that rise up all over again it also causes that love to rise up as well.

Now think about your situation...where are you at in love with your spouse? Is this something you are struggling with? Do you need to fall in love with them all over again? I encourage you to give this situation, and your entire marriage, over to God. Ask Him to stir that love for your spouse up in you. You don't have to walk away and find a new spouse to be in love! Learn to once again love the spouse God gave you. It's often been said that love is a choice and I believe that with everything in me. You have to wake up everyday and choose to love your spouse. Regardless of what they do, I really do believe that the choice is up to you.


Doug and Debbie Crawford said...

Needed this reminder. Thank you for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Hi. Yes I have heard this so many times, I have said this to myself so many times. But a question keeps coming up: what if you didn't actually love the person to being with? what if you married for a load of wrong reasons? how can you "dig back up" a love that was potentially never there?

I have seen "Fireproof". Yes I believe that divorce shouldn't be taken lightly. But I, sadly, also believe that sometimes, you really can be with "the wrong person". And then what?

If I met my husband today, we surely wouldn't fall in love or even feel interested by eachother. But we didn't meet today, we met 15 years ago, young and stupid thinking that physical attraction equals love. HA! So now we sit here, nearing our forties, kiddos and huge mortgage and loads of desillusions. Empty nest syndrome candidates clearly. That will be a while though, but once the children are all grown, what will we have left to say to eachother? Nothing. Except goodbye, finally.

Is that sad? you bet it is. But it's also very real, and unfortunately love is not just a choice - a persons actions, values and opinions also do count. The "love as a choice" works when there was love to begin with. Otherwise, there is not much to dig up.

I realize I sound bitter in this. I remember some time ago, a friend o Facebook had her status say "I just love you hubby. You and I are just the perfect team" - I did not feel jealous. I felt truely happy for her. As I feel happy for you. You guys are lucky. You have a great blessing in being in marriages like this. Someday we shall see and understand fully....

kind regards,

Jamie said...

Anonymous, thank you for your comment! I have prayed over a response for several days now and am still not quite set on what i'd like to say. If you wouldn't mind, I believe i'll do a full post on this perspective next week. That way i'll have a little more time to pray over it as well as not leave an extra long winded response here in the comments. :o) I hope you'll come back to check it out as well as leave your comments!