Seasons

Hello old friends! The last few weeks this little blog has been heavy on my heart and i've continued to put it off, telling myself that i'm much too busy to take the time to sit and write like I used to do, and surly after all this time no one would even be interested in anything that I would have to say. But right now i've decided to just make the time! So here we are. I have my cup of peppermint tea and my favorite writing music is going...i'm in the zone! But now that i'm here, what should I write about?

I could come up with some nugget of marital wisdom to share. I could talk about all the things God has been doing in my life the last few months. I could share some of the things He's been teaching me. I could tell some funny stories of things my kids have done. The list of what I could talk about goes on and on.

But my heart for this blog has always been to talk about things that will matter in you, the readers, life. I tried blogging about nothing and it got, well, nowhere. It was pointless and pretty much worthless and I have no desire to do that again.

So my dear readers, what is something I could talk about today that would reach out to where you are, give you a big cyber hug, a little encouragement and even just a small little pick-me-up?

As I thought over this question and tried to think of something to say that could reach out to even one person that might read this, God put a couple of verses on my heart so I just decided to share those with you.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

The whole concept of "seasons" has been on my mind so much lately because i'm seeing so many different seasons of life unfolding around me, in my life and in the lives of people around me. Some of these seasons are great and are bringing great changes into lives, and some of the seasons aren't so great and bring pain with with.

I could never even try to guess where everyone of you are at in life, or what season you may be facing, so I won't even try. But I do know that each one of you are in a season of some kind. It may be a wonderful season, a heartbreaking one, or one that feels very bland with not much to it.

But even in all of the may seasons the Bible talks about, there is one season we will never ever face. A season of being alone.

Now give me a second here, I know some of you may be saying to yourself "But I AM alone!" so don't brush me off just yet. I have had times in life where it felt like there was no one. I didn't feel like I had anyone I could turn to or count on, everyone around me seemed to be the ones hurting me and that's a really hard place to be. But there's 2 other verses that are important to remember if you're facing this situation...

Romans 8:38-39
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

See sometimes the thing that can get us down the most is focusing on how we feel instead of what we know to be the truth!

This isn't really some life changing way of thinking, these are very common verses that most people have heard at some point in life. But I think sometimes we forget to take the Word of God and personally apply it to our lives. Instead of just reading "Nothing can every separate US from the love of God", we need to be saying "Nothing can ever separate ME from the love of God".

There's something amazing about realizing that the Bible was written for each of us individually, and we can each take these words and claim them as our own! That's a powerful thought!

Like I said before, I don't know where each person is at in their lives or what all of you are facing, but I don't have to. We have a great big God who sees right where you are, and knows exactly what season you are facing, and He wants nothing more than to remind you that He is right there and He loves you. No season you face in this life will ever separate you from Him!

Far Too Long

6 Weeks. Yesterday was the 6 week mark of my last post on here. I haven't gone that long without writing in almost a year! I have thought about all of you so many times during these weeks and ached to get back here, yet every time I sit down to write again something comes up. Either my house is a mess, my kids need something, exhaustion takes over, or a complete lack of knowing what to say sets in. Regardless of the reason, I have now seen 6 weeks go by without so much as a "Hello" to all of my wonderful readers!

But today is my birthday! So as my present to myself, I am forcing myself to ignore as much housework as possible and sit down for a cup of coffee with all of you. Somehow though, i'm at a loss. The same fear I used to feel every time I sat down to write has set in all over again and I feel as though i'm back in uncomfortable territory with all of you.

I have never been a very confidant person, never very bold in what I say to others when it comes to my thoughts and opinions on things. Until this blog. Writing on here about marriage over the last several months took me to a whole new place! It was a place where I could openly say exactly what I thought and believed and the worst that would happen was i'd get a harsh comment or possibly lose a follower every now and then. I began to get a little more confidence and sort of find my way a little bit. I started learning how to share what I really thought about things and yet do it with complete love for those that didn't agree with me.

Then, just as I began to get comfortable God started changing things up on me and pushing me further into uncomfortable territory and my husband and I started teaching a couples group at our church. And I just thought writing about things was difficult!! Talking face to face with people about things you believe in and things the bible teaches is a whole different ball game! You can see their faces when they disagree with you and for someone who really wants people to like them, that can be a hard thing to take.

But I am constantly reminding myself of a saying I heard some time ago that says, "God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called". I know that was the case when I started writing this blog and I believe that to be the case in the new faze of ministry that we have found ourselves in now.

But where does that leave this blog?!? As I said several weeks ago, I know i'm not done here. I love writing and talking openly and honestly with all of you about real things that are going on in life. But I don't think i'm going to just talk about marriage on here anymore. I know that talking about many different subjects is a huge "no-no" in the world of blogging but I think that limiting this place to only one topic simply cuts out a lot of important things! There are so many blogs out there on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, recipes, and the list goes on and on. I simply can't compete with them, so i'm not even going to try! I am just going to be me. I'm going to write how I write and talk about things that God puts on my heart. The topics may be all over the place and I may miss days here and there (although I will try to not go 6 weeks without writing ever again!) but that's just how i've decided to do things. :o)

If you have stuck with me all this time, even though i've gone so long without writing, I want to say a HUGE thank you to you! You readers are why I write. I love "talking" with each of you about all the many things we've talked about before and can't wait to start talking again. I've said before that I really want to talk about things that really interest you guys so if there is anything you would like to read about or hear discussed on here please let me know! You can comment on here, email me at joinmeforcoffeeblog(at)gmail(dot)com, or you comment on my Facebook page as well. Wonder what we'll talk about first...

What If There's No Love?!

A few weeks ago I wrote a post talking about loving your spouse and I talked about the fact that over the course of your marriage you need to fall in love with your spouse over and over. I explained that one way to do this if you're struggling in this area is to remember back to what you first loved about your spouse and build on that. Then about a week ago I received a comment on that post from a bit of a different perspective. This woman asked what should be done in a marriage where the couple had never actually been in love, they had married for all the wrong reasons and 15 years later there was no way to dig up a love that may have never been there. What then? I responded that I needed a few days to pray about it and I would do an entire post on that subject because i'm sure she is not the only person to have ever dealt with it. So here are my thoughts...

First of all my heart absolutely goes out to this lady and anyone else who may be facing this situation! It would be awful to be in a loveless marriage and feel like you're simply biding time until your kids grow and you can leave. That's a hurt i've not faced and can't even imagine. However I will say that, my heartfelt sympathy does not change what I believe the word of God says so I have to go with that instead of just the sympathy I feel for you.

Mark 10:6-9 says But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

This is the same thing that was said in the book of Genesis when Adam and Eve were created and God himself created marriage. That was a marriage that lasted, I believe for over 900 years. These were 2 people who literally met and married. There was no chance to get to know one another or fall in love. They met, married and were commanded to stay married. Period. This is not the only situation like this in the bible either. In fact, many marriages were arranged marriages, often times with at least the woman not even having a say about whom she was to marry and yet they were still told "What God has joined, let no man separate".

Now I am in no way advocating arranged marriages! However I am pointing back to when the covenant of marriage was created by God Himself, love wasn't even something He addressed. This idea that marriages should only last as long as "love" is there is simply not biblical! *I will say if there are issues like abuse or adultery happening that is a different situation entirely and should be handled completely different.*

I listened to C.S. Lewis chapter on christian marriage when I was considering what I should write about and he addressed this idea much better than I ever could. With that being said I will simply quote him and let him speak for himself...

"The idea that ‘being in love’ is the only reason for remaining married really leaves no room for marriage as a contract or promise at all. If love is the whole thing, then the promise can add nothing; and if it adds nothing, then it should not be made. And, of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to being true even if I cease to be in love. A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry.

People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on ‘being in love’ for ever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change — not realising that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last."

So you see, marriage is not about the thrill of being in love, yes that is a wonderful part and something that I wish for every married person. However, if you are living a Christ centered life and in doing so work to have a Christ centered marriage you will have to accept the fact that not feeling in love is simply not reason enough to end a marriage.

I am not saying that you have to accept that fact that you will live a miserable life in a lonely marriage! I am simply saying that you don't get to just walk away because you aren't "in love". You are going to have to put some work into the relationship. You may have to look for something, even a tiny little thing, that is even worth liking in your spouse and pray for it to build from there.

Something I have prayed many times in difficult situations is "God, i'm not willing right now, but i'm willing to be made willing". You may not be willing to work on your marriage and find ways to love your spouse, but if you can get to a point where you are willing to be made willing. God can do mighty things!

One last thing and then i'll be done for now... What if you married the wrong person? What if your spouse wasn't "THE ONE"? The moment you entered into your marriage covenant, they became the one! We don't live in an age of arranged marriages anymore which means that, most likely, you willingly chose to enter into your marriage. Hind sight is 20/20 and looking back on things maybe you should not have gotten married but that fact is you did. What is important now is what your chose to do with your marriage. God has given you ALL the tools you need to make your marriage work in His word. Will you use those tools? The choice is up to you...

I'm Back!!!

Goodness, it's hard to believe that it's been about two weeks since i've been on here! I have been very busy around here with Christmas, family gatherings and just enjoying my kiddos while they were out on Christmas break. We've had so much fun sleeping in, watching movies, playing together and finishing out our break with a tent/movie day. I've caught up on some much needed rest and been able to take some time to just slow down and relax which has been absolutely wonderful! However, today throws us back into reality and into the busyness that is our normal life. Not only that but a few things have been added to our "normal" that I wanted to share with all of you!

A little over a year ago I felt that God had something in mind for my blog, I had been writing on it for a couple of years just off and on, mostly about the daily nothings that happened in our house (which were really of no interest to anyone but me!). But I began to feel a stirring that He had something more in mind for my writing and for me. I just had no idea what it was. So I prayed about it for a few months and then began my "mini-series" on marriage in April of last year. I thought I would write for a couple of weeks and then move on. I had absolutely no idea that it would be something i'd write about 3 times a week for the next eight months, or that I would go from about 10 to 150 followers in that time!

Once I started writing in April, I began to have another thought stirring in my heart and began to pray about an area of ministry that I felt God was pulling my husband and I towards, and that was a ministry for newlyweds. I prayed for the next few months, talked with my husband and a close friend and finally decided to go to the leaders in our church with the idea. With all that being said....My husband and I will be starting our new group, Solid, next week at our church for couples married 5 years or less! Not only that, but a friend and I will begin leading a women's bible study on the book of James which starts in just a few weeks.

All that back story is just to say that, I am going to be cutting back my time here a bit. I am going to go from writing on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays to just writing on Mondays. I absolutely LOVE writing on here and just can't give up on it but I know that if I try to continue with my three times a week not only will my time with my family suffer but my writing will suffer as well. There are some ladies that can home school multiple children, lead bible studies and write every day. I am simply not one of them.

So please bare with me as my writing cuts back and continue checking in here each week. Or if it would be easier for you, feel free to simply subscribe to my blog, that way each new post will be emailed directly to your inbox and you won't have to check in to see when i've written (if you do this, be sure to check your spam folder for your conformation email if it doesn't show up in your inbox instantly).

Oh and one other thing...would you all pray for my husband and I as we start this group? And for the group itself, that God would accomplish exactly what He wants in each of our evenings together? Thank you all so much. Love y'all to pieces!! :o)