Friday, December 12, 2008

The baby...

On Wednesday this week Colby and I went to our garage and got out some of the kids old baby clothes, we sorted through a couple of boxes and got enough clothes out for the first 2 weeks. We of course had to get some boy and girl clothes as well as neutral clothes since we don't know if we're having a boy or girl. So yesterday I washed and dried all the clothes we picked out and this morning I got them all folded and put away. As I was folding them I could so clearly remember dressing Konner and Lexi in those clothes, I remember seeing them in each one of the outfits we pulled out.

I loved dressing Konner in his little blue outfits, but of course putting baby lotion on him first so he smelled sooo good. I was still so young when he was born and honestly had no clue what I was doing! haha! But he's turned out to be such a great kid! I remember looking at him and wondering what he would look like as a toddler and I honestly couldn't picture it at all! I couldn't get past his baby face and his chunky cheeks, I couldn't picture him talking and running. What's funny is now I have a hard time picturing his as that tiny baby because he such a little kid now, he runs and plays and talks and laughs and he's always making us laugh!

I remember when Lexi was first born, she was so tiny and so pink! I think Konner was probably just as pink but knowing she was a girl made her look more pink I think. She was smaller that Konner when she was born but even if she had been the same size or even bigger I think she still would've seemed so small. I think the first time I saw Konner and Lexi together was the first time I remember seeing Konner as big! haha! He was only 20 months old but suddenly he was huge to me, I saw all the responsibility he was going to have as her big brother. I saw all the fun they'd have playing together, and all the many fights that I was sure Colby and I would have to break up. :o)

I still look forward to watching the kids grow together and trying to picture them as older kids, which by the way I can hardly do! But now the picture is different because it won't just be the 2 of them, it'll always be Konner, Lexi and Logan and that's another picture that's hard for me to see. To a point i'm a little sad to see the days of just Konner and Lexi be gone, I love how close they are and how much fun they have playing together. So sometimes I wonder if once the new baby's here their relationship will change. Konner is thrilled to death about the baby and can't wait for him/her to get here but Lexi being so young could kinda care less! There have been a few times where she got excited when we were talking about the baby and looking at sono pics but for the most part she's not really sure what all's going on.

I really want Colby and I to be sure to watch out for her and make sure that she's adjusting to the whole thing ok. She's been our baby for 2 years now and she's such a daddy's girl that I worry for her and how she'll react to having to share daddy with the baby. A big part of me wants this baby to be a boy so that she'll still get to be the only girl but at the same time I don't want her to be a spoiled only girl. I guess at this point it's kinda been decided for a while now whether it's a boy or girl! haha! I'm sure she'll be great either way!

I've been praying a lot for myself also lately...I battled depression hard after I had Lexi and actually lived in depression for several months. I know living with Colby's parents played a huge part in that but either way i've been praying that will be something I don't deal with this time around. It was so hard to be a mom and I totally stopped caring about being a wife during that time. Looking back it was a really low point in my life which is kinda crazy when you think about it...I had just had a beautiful little girl but yet felt like I was at the lowest point in my life. So i've been praying against depression a lot this time around because that's not something I want to deal with again or something I want my family to deal with again.

All in all it looks like some pretty big changes are heading our way in the next few weeks...i'm super excited but sooo nervous at the same time! I guess we'll find a lot out in the next few weeks though!! :o)

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