Monday, June 13, 2011

Men and Women

First of all, let me apologize for having been absent for so long! We had some internet problems a couple of weeks ago and then summer break started and I just got very busy with life. But I am back and ready to get back to talking about marriage. So lets jump right in!

If you have been married very long at all, you have noticed that you and your spouse are incredibly different, so different in fact that it can begin to cause huge problems for both of you. It's pretty obvious that men and women are different but don't check out on me just yet, it's never as easy as just saying "I know we're different". It's very important to look at these differences and see if we can understand them better. The simple fact that you and your spouse are so different can cause a lot of problems for your marriage, however, if you can learn to celebrate and embrace your differences it can be wonderful for your marriage. So let's look at some basic differences between men and women...

Men and women have different purposes.
A man's purpose is to work, to serve, to guard and to protect.
A woman's purpose is to to help.

Genesis 2:15 says "And the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it."
And Genesis 2:18 says "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

Don't you love it when God makes things clear like that? Right from the beginning He lays it all out, this way there is no confusion about what your roles are in the home. Now this is not a discussion about women working outside the home or not, I have already given my view on that HERE. I am simply pointing out that God's original design for men and women was clearly laid out when he created the. Sometimes it can be very difficult for men to ask for help but men, stop being stubborn! God gave you your wife as a helper. And girls, don't ever forget you are there to help. Now that doesn't mean you are there to take charge, helping is very different. When you help your husband you are a blessing to him. When you take charge you are taking his job away from him and that does nothing to bless him.

Men and women communicate differently.
Men use few words.
Women use many words.
Men are headliners.
Women are fine print.

I spent a lot of time talking about communication so i'm not going into detail about that again, but it's very important to understand that you and your spouse do communicate differently. Guys want the main points. Girls are all about the details. When my husband is telling me a story he knows I want every detail. I want to know who was there? What was said? Who said what? How they acted? And every other detail you can imagine. I love details! Details are what make a story. Colby on the other hand could care less about the details. That man can have a 3 hour conversation and tell me about it in less than 5 minuets! Talk about conflict! It used to drive me crazy how little he cared about the details in a conversation. And it used to drive him crazy how very into the details I was. But we have both learned to give in this area. He knows that I will want details so he makes an effort to remember as much as he can. I also know that he is just not going to remember every single detail, and to be thankful for the effort he puts into remembering as much as he can.

Men and women process differently.
Men process logically and internally.
Women process verbally and emotionally.

I have found this to be so true with my husband and I. When we go through something, or we find ourselves in a difficult situation, we both process it very differently. Colby gets quiet and has to figure things out in his head before he wants to talk about it. But I am the complete opposite, I want to talk it all out and deal with the emotions before I can fully figure it out. This can create a very frustrating situation for both of us, and it gets absolutely noting accomplished. If this has been a frustration in your marriage, try to find a time when you're in the middle of a difficult situation to discuss it. Figure out how you each like to handle a situation and try to come to a compromise. What we do now in our marriage is, we will very quickly discuss a situation and then take some time to not talk about it at all. This way we get a little of both in there, I get to talk about it just enough to not go crazy but Colby also gets the quiet he needs to deal with it. It's all about compromise!!

Those are just a few of the very basic differences between men and women. In my next post I will be talking about some of the things men and women want. It's gonna be good! :o)

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