Love

Those four little letters so often describe the marriage relationship to many people. People get married because they fell in love, and they just as often get divorced because they fell out of love. Our culture today is saturated with the idea of love. Everywhere you turn there is talk about love! There are novels about love, movies about love, kids in school think they’re falling in love, single adults out there looking for love…and the list goes on and on. But that term “falling in love” has always seemed a little funny to me. It’s as if two people are walking along on the road of life and out of nowhere, there’s a ditch of love in the road and they simply can’t control it, they just fall in! Sounds crazy doesn’t it?! But I really think that many people are out there waiting for that ditch to appear in front of them.

I however have a bit of a different view on love. I don’t believe you fall into love anymore than I believe you can fall out of love. I believe that love is a choice every single time. I’ve heard it said that “you can’t control who you love” and to be completely honest with you, I think that’s just ridiculous! I think this phrase comes from the world having confused the meanings of the words “love” and “lust”. I believe that you can’t control who you are attracted to but you absolutely can control who you love.

One of the problems people have when it comes to love is the feeling of love. If that feeling isn’t there then they must not be in love anymore right? But the problem with that logic is that love is not just about a feeling. Yes, there are those gushy feelings that one associates with love and I’m all for that, but that is not the kind of love it takes to build and maintain a marriage. You don’t always love your spouse because you feel it, you love them because you decide to.

Love for your spouse is not something you always wake up with. I know that people often get married with the idea that they will always feel those lovey-dovey feelings for their spouse but that’s just not how it works. Every single day when you wake up you have two choices, you can choose to love your spouse or you can choose to not love them. It doesn’t matter what they do, the choice is entirely up to you.

Ephesians 5:25 says “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” This verse makes it very clear that the kind of love that is needed in marriage is a very sacrificial love, one that causes you to give up all of yourself for your spouse. Too many times marriages have two people full of nothing but selfish love, a love that is all about them and what they want and that kind of selfish love can destroy a marriage.

Something you have to remember when thinking about love is that, love comes from God. 1 John 4:7-8 says “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” So as Christians, the love of God is in us and that love is to be shown to everyone we come in contact with. If we’re to show that love to everyone we meet, how much more are we to show it to our spouse?

The world has their own idea of what love is and how it should be shown but you have to understand that the love of God is in you and that love is so much greater than the love that is in the world!

Now I know it is not always easy to choose to love your spouse, and I admit, I have not always made that choice myself. But each day is a new day and comes with a fresh choice to make. Today, will you choose to love your spouse? Will you take on the sacrificial God kind of love? As I said, it’s not always easy but it is a choice that as Christians and followers of God we are to make.

If this is something you are struggling with, I challenge you to read 1 Corinthians 13, which is the love chapter of the bible. Try reading it in several different versions so you can get a full view of what it says. It’s very challenging and yet it’s something that each person is called to. Next week I’ll be talking about walking in love so be sure to check back in.

Small Break

Hey everyone, I just wanted to let y'all know that I've been having some internet trouble so I'm going to take a small break from blogging over the next week. I would just continue to blog from my phone but the keys are very tiny and I do tend to talk a lot! :o) It should all be fixed by the middle of next week so I'll be back to posting as normal. Hope everyone has a great week!


~Jamie

First Day of School

I have decided to take a small break from my usual topics and talk on a different subject today, you see, today is the first day of school. Please excuse me while I get sentimental and gush just a little.

This year Konner is in 1st grade, he has been ready to be back in school since the first week of June! Last year I wrote HERE about his first day of school and how I simply was not ready for it. However this year is a bit different, this is my Lexi's first year of school and this mommy's heart just can't believe it.

Somehow, in the blink of an eye my little girl went from this...

To this...

From this...

To this...

Just like Konner last year, she never asked my permission to grow up and I never gave it. Yet she's doing it anyways. Now I know that she's still only 4 but somehow I know that as fast as these past 4 years have gone by, the next 14 will go by even quicker. As my husband wrote about HERE, all too soon she'll be gone.

So my sweet Alexis (as she has now asked to be called), as you start on this journey and new phase of life, there are a few things i'd like to tell you...

-You are and always have been your daddies little girl. At times you will love it and at times you will hate it, but nothing in this world will ever change it so don't even try!

-I know you think you know more than me at times but trust me, you don't.

-As much as I might want to I will not always run to your side when you trip and fall. You will have to learn to pick yourself back up and I promise, you will thank me for it. Someday.

-Your strong will is going to get you in a lot of trouble, but it will also save you from trouble. Learn to harness and control it instead of letting it control you.

-It will never be ok for you to call a boy. I know your friends will do it but you can't. Trust me, a real man will call you and if he's not a real man, you don't need to talk to him.

-If you are embarrassed to wear something to church, you won't be wearing it to the mall.

-If your aren't embarrassed to wear something to church but it makes your dad blush, you won't be wearing it.

-I can and will enter your room at any time. That's just my right as your parent.

-If you act stupid to attract boys, you will only attract stupid boys.

-Before you were even born, God had a plan for your life. They are plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

-No matter how old you get, you will never be to old to dance with your daddy. "Cinderella" will always be y'alls song.

-Your phone, emails and room will be checked anytime your dad, God or I feel the need. Just part of living in our house. Nothing in your life is off limits to us.

-As much as your brother and sister might drive you crazy, they are the best friends you will ever have. Treat them as such.

-Every boy you bring home to meet your dad will be under severe interrogation. If they do not pass you will not be seeing them again.

-I will not be your friend until you are an adult. I will love you, laugh with you and talk with you about everything but never forget that I am your mother. You will have plenty of friends but only one of me.

-It may take until you are an adult to appreciate that last fact but at some point, you will.

-No matter what has happened in your life or your world, your mommy and daddy are ALWAYS here for you. That will never change.


I'll stop for now, although there are 100's of other things I could add. Thank goodness she is only 4 and I have plenty of time to do so. Happy first day of school my Lexi-Lou!

Fun Friday: Mom-petition

The question for today comes from a facebook friend of mine. It seems that she has been struggling with competition with another mom friend of hers. Their children are very close in age and this other mother is constantly comparing them, and even ends up devastated if her child falls short in her eyes. She asked what she should do and how to best handle this situation.

This is such an easy thing to fall into, and if we're honest most of us mothers have done it ourselves at some point. If we're not comparing our kids to other kids, we're comparing them to their siblings. For example, my two oldest kids walked when they were 13 months and 2 weeks. Both of them were exactly the same in that area. Then came my youngest, she walked at 8 months old. I was shocked! Now I could have compared her to her brother and sister and thought of her as better because she walked sooner, but honestly, when a child walks is completely insignificant in the big picture of a child's life. Grades and sports are other areas that we compare our children to each other. When a child potty trains is often another area of comparison, and there are many others which are all equally as ridiculous.

So what is the very basic underlying issue when it comes to mom-petition? I believe that it is pride. Let's face it, for us mothers, especially stay-at-home-mothers, we can easily wrap up ourselves and who we are into our kids. We can feel like our worth is aligned with their success, even in small and seemingly insignificant issues. So when we see another child doing something better or sooner than our children, it can almost feel like a stab at our worth.

When dealing with this issue there are a few verses that you need to commit to memory. The first one is 2 Corinthians 2:12 which says "We would not dare put ourselves in the same class with, or compare ourselves to, those who recommend themselves. Whenever they measure themselves by their own standards or compare themselves among themselves, they show how foolish they are."
And verse 18 of that same chapter says "When people commend themselves, it doesn't count for much. The important thing is for the Lord to commend them."

According to the bible, comparing yourself to anyone else is foolish and something we should never do. If you're going to compare yourself to anyone you need to compare yourself to Christ. Period. And as for comparing yourself to someone and thinking you're better in anyway is wrong. According to this verse, lets leave the commending of ourselves to Christ. After all, when it comes from Him it's so much more rewarding!

Now for the underlying pride issue, let's look at a few verses about pride.
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

"Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished." Proverbs 16:5

Pride is clearly a very ugly sin in the bible. In fact, pride seems to be the cause for the very first sin in the book of Genesis. Adam and Eve became convinced that they knew more than God, not only that but they began to believe that they could be, and deserved to be, like God. Because of their pride they lost everything. A heart of pride is very clearly something to stay far away from!

Now, when it comes to your children it may seem innocent, and it may even start out that way but it doesn't stay there for long. That competitive, comparing spirit does so much harm in your life, your children's lives and the lives of those around you. You see, when you are constantly comparing your children to other children, or other kids to your kids, you can't take the time to fully appreciate who your kids are. All you can focus on is them being the best, and when they are not the best, they have failed.

You have to understand that any time you do this you are teaching your kids that they are not good enough unless they are the best at everything. Let's face it, there will always be someone out there that is better than you at something. So in essence, you are setting your kids up for failure from a very early age and teaching them that they will never be good enough. Our goal as parents is to teach our kids to do the best they can, not be the best.

I think the most important thing to remember anytime you are in this situation is found in Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

You see, God has a specific, unique plan and design for you child's life and comparing them to anyone else just gets in the way of that unique plan. They should never feel like they have to be like anyone else, you need to teach them to be confidant in who they are! One of my favorite quotes is "No one can be you like you can be you!". You know what, i'm not the best writer out there or the best wife or mom, but there is no one in this world who can be Jamie like I can be Jamie! I have been placed here for a specific reason that God Himself placed on my life. Your kids need to be raised with the confidence to say that about themselves and that will be so difficult for them to have if they are always taught to compare themselves to other people.

If this is something you struggle with I encourage you to stop right now! Talk to your child and explain to them that this attitude is not right, and be sure to include how very proud of them you are. Kids crave approval from their parents and it's so important that we give it to them!

If you are dealing with another parent constantly comparing their child to yours, I urge you to talk to them about it. Don't do it in the heat of the moment (if you're anything like me, it's too easy to let your emotions get the best of you) but try to find a time to sit down and talk to them about it. Let them know that this bothers you and bothers your children, if it does. Kindly ask them to stop and then if it comes up again I think it would be appropriate to remind them that you would rather they not do it anymore.

Most importantly, pray. Pray over the all the parents and children involved in the situation. God is a God of peace, not decinsion!

Each Friday I tackle the thoughts and questions of my readers. If there is something you would like me to discuss feel free to either leave a comment below, leave a comment on my Facebook Page or email me at joinmeforcoffeeblog(at)gmail(dot)com.


This post is linked up with Homemaker By Choice.

Maintaining Your Marriage Relationship

When Colby and I first got married we had this idea that the hard part was over. We had come through a bit of a difficult time and finally got married. Now it was going to be smooth sailing right? Oh no! That's not how it happened at all. We went through a lot of pain and really awful times over the next two years but we did work through things. We worked really hard and actually built a great marriage.

However we had to realize that the work wasn't done there. Once we had worked through some of the really hard things and made some big changes to ourselves and our marriage we entered into maintenance mode. So here are a few ways to maintain your marriage relationship.

1. Have a solid friendship.
I have a few very close friends but I have to say, Colby is my very best friend. The definition of the word friend is "A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade." Do you like your spouse? Do you know your spouse? Are you constantly learning new things about your spouse? You both are allied in the same cause, the cause of completing your marriage. Never forget that your spouse is supposed to be your best friend!

2. Meet each others needs-find out what their needs are and talk about your needs.
As i've said before, your spouse is not a mind reader, if you need something you have to tell them exactly what you need. Also, if your spouse tells you something that they need you have to do everything you can to actually meet that need.

3. Embrace who your spouse is.
This goes back to not trying to change your spouse. Learn who they are and embrace that. I love to have people over for dinner and my husband is much more of a home/family body. But he has completely embraced who I am and doesn't struggle with me when I ask to have friends over. Learn to love and embrace your spouse for who they are and don't try to make them into who you want them to be.

4. Set specific goals together.
You have to daily keep your marriage on your mind and constantly be planning together where you want your family to go. Dream together. Plan together. Be on the same page about your marriage, goals and dreams at all times.

5. Get back to the basics.
Whatever your definition of a successful relationship is, that is who you need to become.Learn to do the things for your spouse that you'd like them to do. You really do reap what you sow.

6. Ask only what you are willing to give.
It is simply not right to expect more from your spouse than you are willing to give. In your marriage you are supposed to give more than you are asking for, not the other way around.

7. Take responsibility for a successful marriage.
It takes two people to make a marriage work, and in your marriage you are one of those people. You absolutely can not throw everything off onto your spouse. Take responsibility for the success you see in your marriage and also for the flaws and failures you see in your marriage. You can't just throw it all off onto your spouse.

8. Commit to your marriage.
This is probably the most important one! More than any other tips or advice you could ever get in regards to your marriage, this will always be the most important thing. Without commitment to your marriage it will never last. You have to dig your heals in, hunker down and fully commit at all times to your marriage.


The fact of the matter is, when it comes to a good marriage, it's not just going to happen. You will have to constantly learn, love, change and grow together. Marriage will never be a "Get it, got it, good" situation. You constantly have to maintain it. But if you can keep yourself and your marriage in maintenance mode, and always be working on building your marriage you can see some great things come from it!

Beautiful Quote To Start Your Day

People get from books the idea that if you have married the
right person you may expect to go on "being in love" for ever.
As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves
they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change -not
realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will
presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old
one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills
come at the beginning and do not last... but if you go through
with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated
for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest.
~C.S. Lewis

Fun Friday: Homosexuality

"I'm having a hard time explaining to my oldest why same sex people shouldn't be together. It's a very touchy subject."

Goodness gracious, when you ask readers for questions you get questions!! :o) Some questions have been easy and some have been very hard, i've even lost some followers over my answers to some questions. But now I have a question that has an easy answer but yet it's difficult to give the answer. Please bare with me as I try to answer in complete honesty and love.

Let me start by saying that I believe a lot of Christians have mishandled this situation and done a lot of damage in the name of truth. A lack of love and grace has been shown from the church as a whole to people that struggle with this issue and it is wrong. Regardless of the situation a person is in, as followers of Christ, we are to show His love to each and every person.

Before I even give my opinion on this issue we need to look at what the bible says, it is the ultimate authority on every issue we face and this one is no different.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says "Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God."
Romans 1:26-27 says "Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved."
1 Timothy 1:9-10 says "For the law was not intended for people who do what is right. It is for people who are lawless and rebellious, who are ungodly and sinful, who consider nothing sacred and defile what is holy, who kill their father or mother or commit other murders. The law is for people who are sexually immoral, or who practice homosexuality, or are slave traders, liars, promise breakers, or who do anything else that contradicts the wholesome teaching."

It is very clear that according to the bible, homosexuality is a sin. There is just no getting around that fact. It seems that this issue is everywhere now days, the world is completely bombarded and saturated with this. So many people are trying to normalize this and teach it as ok. The argument that "They are simply born that way" is everywhere and if you don't accept that answer you are viewed as judgmental.

I have always been of the group that never believed that a person is born homosexual however, I recently read the book "Learning" by Karen Kingsbury that has given me a different view of this issue and that is the view i'd like to share with you all today.

The fact of the matter is, each and every person is born with a bend towards sin. There are specific sins that every one struggles with every day. When I was a teenager, I struggled with lying. I lied so often about little things that I got very good at it and could lie to your face and you'd never know. Now as an adult i've overcome that sin but I struggle with laziness. I will put off housework for any little reason, I simply don't like doing it. But it's a fight and a struggle that i'm not giving up on.

You see, I could simply have said as a teenager that I was born a liar and continued lying all the time. Or now as an adult I could simply say that I was born lazy and it's ok that i'm this way, my family will simply have to accept living in a dirty house. But lying is a sin, laziness is a sin and homosexuality is also a sin.

People may very well be born with a tendency towards that particular sin but that does not mean that it is ok for them to live in that lifestyle. There is no sin out there that God simply accepts as "the way you were born" and allows you to live in. He just doesn't. For people that struggle with lying, God calls them to keep struggling! Keep fighting the urge to lie and ask God to help you overcome that sin. For those who struggle with laziness, keep struggling until you overcome that sin. And for those that struggle with homosexuality, keep struggling and ask God to help you overcome that sin as well.

Nowhere in the bible does it say that homosexuality is the worst sin known to man. If you look, it is listed right there with liars, greedy people, drunkards and even promise breakers. Yes, it is a sin, there's just no way around that. But just like any other sin out there, it can be overcome through Christ alone.

Now to answer the original question asked on talking with your kids about this issue I have a couple of suggestions for you.

1. Be sure your conversation is age appropriate.
Very young children are being forced to deal with this issue and their young minds are simply not able to comprehend it. For young children I would keep things at a very basic level. As much as the world likes to grey this issue, it is actually very black and white. You can explain that it is a sin without giving a young child too much information.

2. Find out exactly what situation they are faced with and what they think about it.
Are they dealing with friends at school that are homosexual? Do they believe that it is wrong? Before you can really talk about this with your kids you need to know exactly where they're at.

3. Get in the Word together!
You as the parent are charged with guiding and training your kids and you can't do that without the word. You have to have God talking to your kids through you and that comes from getting in the Word. Show your kids exactly what the bible says about this issue.

4. Don't cower away from it.
Your kids are having this issue and so many others shoved in their faces all.the.time. The world is not afraid to tell them that sin is fun and try to get them hooked. If you deal with them timidly you will be overpowered by the world. Speak to them with confidence in the bible and don't ever be afraid to call sin exactly what it is, sin.

5. Teach them love.
It is absolutely ok to teach your kids that homosexuality is sin. It is not ok to teach them that homosexuals are evil. It all goes back to the old saying "Hate the sin. Love the sinner.". You have to have this attitude and teach your kids to have this attitude. And you need to understand that your kids will pick up on your attitude about the situation. We are sent into the world to tell people the good news of Christ and show His love to them, and it is so important to remember that when dealing with this issue.

Each Friday I tackle the thoughts and questions of my readers. If there is something you would like me to discuss feel free to either leave a comment below, leave a comment on my Facebook Page or email me at joinmeforcoffeeblog(at)gmail(dot)com.