Saturday, August 9, 2008

Ups and downs, downs, downs...

This last week has been really hard, i've been going through alot emotionally and just feeling so down. I hate even blogging about it but talking about things always helps so this should too right?! :o) I am now 17 weeks pregnant and boy are hormones taking a toll on me...i'm always so hormonal during my pregnancy but this time it's not just mood swings that i'm dealing with. I've been so down about things lately and I hate that, I really try to be a positive person and really enjoy things in life but i've been having a hard time of that lately.

Last night Colby and I went to dinner and sat and talked for about 2 hours about everything that's been going on inside of me. I've really been beating myself up about alot of things and feeling like i'm failing him and the kids. I've been wondering if the kids are doing well with me as a mom, or if i'm really causing them to lack. I so want to give them everything they need for an amazing future and I know they're pretty young now but you really can't start to early.

One thing Colby asked me was where all this is coming from and I honestly don't know. There's nothing I can think of specifically that i'm doing or not doing that makes me think they are lacking, I mean they are 2 of the happiest kids in the world! At least 5 times a day Konner comes up and gives me a hug or kiss and tells me he loves me, and Lexi is constantly wanting to sit in my lap and just let me hold her. Surly if i'm doing a horrible job as a mom those things wouldn't be going on regularly right?

After dinner last night I was feeling so much better just having gotten it all out there and not letting my mind go crazy with worry anymore, and even this morning with the kids I did great. But now the kids are taking a nap and suddenly my mind starts racing with all these thoughts again...stupid brain!! :o) I really think all the changes going on with me being pregnant and us about to be a family of 5 is just causing all least that's what I keep telling myself. But all the "what if's" are driving me crazy! Gosh I love being pregnant but the hormones are no fun at all!! :o)

Again i'm not really sure what the point of this whole thing just feels good to get some of this off my chest! So I guess that's all for now...hopefully the next blog won't be such a downer!! :o)

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