Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I'm so tired...

And it's only noon!!! I woke up this morning about 7:30 and right away started on house work and it's really catching up with me. Colby and I are going out of town this weekend so i'm doing a major deep cleaning job on the whole house this week. I woke up yesterday and had tons of energy and really wanted to get all this work done since this weekend I won't have to do anything!!

Yesterday I deep cleaned mine and Colby's room and washed, dried and folded about 7 or 8 loads of laundry plus did a basic clean up job of the rest of the house. Today i'm doing a deep cleaning of the kitchen...i've been working for about 2 hours and I still have about an hours worth of work to do. My kitchen is tiny!! I have no clue how i'm able to spend 3 hours cleaning in there...it's really not that dirty. I'm pulling stuff out of the cabinets and cleaning out drawers and washing all the doors, so i'm really doing a very detailed job...something i'm not sure i've done in the year that we've lived here.

I'm hoping to get the kitchen, bathroom and kids room done today. The bathroom should only take about 45 minuets because I just did a very detailed job in there a few weeks ago. So that one should be easy. But the kids room is another story! :o) I'm not really sure how detailed i'll get in there because it's still a few more days till we leave town and they will have probably destroyed the whole room by the end of today! haha so i'll probably just do a basic clean up job in there. So really I guess I only have another few hours of hard work and then I can just do basic clean up-that never seems to end-for the rest of the day. :o)

I'm so excited about this weekend! For the first time in 4 years i'll have some really time to myself. We are leaving the kids with my mom and some friends of ours and Colby and I are going to Dallas for a few days, he's going to a photography conference and i'm going to sit in the hotel and do absolutely nothing!!! :o) I'm planning on taking tons of books and movies and just spending most of the time vegging out and doing exactly what i'd like to do. I'll actually have a few days where I don't have to get any cups or cheerios or peanut butter sandwiches! haha I'm really excited...if you can't tell!!!

Ok I guess I better get back to work...Just a few more days!!! :o)

Friday, August 22, 2008

My newest idea

I haven't posted a new blog in a while, i'm really bad about letting this whole thing go for to long. I've never been very good at keeping a diary all the time, I do enjoy writing but have to have something going on to make myself actually do it. Anyways i've been thinking alot and doing tons of reading online and i've decided that i'm going to go natural with this baby...my goal is no drugs at all! This will be the first time i've done that since I had an epidural with both other kids so i'm super nervous but I really want to do this plus I really think I can.

It's funny because this is my 3 time around at this so you'd think I have it down pretty good but no, I don't. This is completely different for me and something I really didn't think I would ever do. For one thing it means that even if I go past my due date I won't be induced! Konner was a week late and I was induced a little bit with him and with Lexi I had scheduled my induction so i'm a little nervous that this little one will get to cozy in there and decide not to come out! :o)

There really is so much more information out there other than just the whole lamaze stuff so i've been reading as much as I can find and talking with Colby about it-who by the way thinks I need to be committed for deciding to do this! haha! But i'm super excited and nervous about it! I'm going to have my friend Chelsea in the room with us the whole time so that'll be wonderful! I really think her and Colby will be able to help kind of coach me through this whole thing or at least help me laugh the whole time! I am a little worried about scaring her to death though, this will be the first time she's been in the room during all the "fun" as far as I know and it is quite the experience!

I'm planning on talking to my doctor next week about this and seeing what he thinks are some of the best things that I can do during all of this...I know I want to walk around alot. I'm not really sure how that'll work because i know they like to constantly monitor the baby which would keep me in bed the whole time, but i'm sure there are other things they can do also. So I guess we'll see what he has to say about my bright idea!

We're doing this whole thing so different this time around...going all natural and not finding out what we're having! It's crazy how this is the third time we're doing this but yet because we're doing it so differently it really feels like the first time. I'm all nervous and worried and excited...of course I guess that comes with every pregnancy. The first time I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect, then with Lex I was nervous because I DID know what to expect :o) now this time we're doing things alot different so it's just making it it's own special experience.

Anyways...I guess that's enough rambling about stuff that's really not a big deal to anyone except me! haha But it is fun to type it all out and then later look back and read all my ramblings!

Monday, August 11, 2008

New mercy every day!

As I said in my last blog i've really been feeling down lately and struggling with just about everything. Well God is awesome because He knew exactly where i've been and once again is helping me get through this. Yesterday at church we had our Connect service which is an evening of praise and prayer, so since we were having it that evening yesterday morning Pastor David taught on Connection with God. I don't think i've needed to hear a sermon more in a long time. I realized that my whole problem has been that i've been letting my personal relationship with God sit on the back burner of my life. When Colby and I talked on Friday that was even brought up and we talked about how we both need to really get better about having time in the word everyday so it was really great to hear more about it on Sunday.

Some of what Pastor David said was just so great, he said that "God connection is meant to produce life in every area of life-spirit, mind and body". It made me realize when he said that...that's what i've been missing! My spirit life is lacking so every other area of my life is lacking! After having been a christian for most of my life you'd think i'd have something as basic as that down but I haven't been doing a very good job of implementing it into my every day life.

Pastor David also said "Just because you've connected with God in the past doesn't mean you can never connect with Him again in new ways". That really made me think because i've really been satisfied with where i'm at and that's always a scary place to be! I mean I know I need to grow but for the most part i've become pretty comfortable with where i'm at and I really needed to be shaken out of that comfort zone.

"If Satan can stop you from connecting with God, he can stop YOU! You don't go without God!" That has been the big thing missing from my life lately, I haven't been connecting with God so everything in my life has been off. It's slowly happened so I haven't really seen it coming. I've had so much going on with the kids and staying busy just with life that i've pushed my connection with God to the back of my "to-do" list. In the process i've allowed Satan to convince me that i'm not good enough at my life as a wife and mom so I feel like I need to do more and be better and i've just ended up getting busier trying to make up for all the things i'm not doing.

Honestly no, my house isn't perfectly clean 100% of the time and the kids don't behave perfectly 100% of the time but that's ok. I'm seeing that I don't have to be perfect 100% of the time-and that's a good thing to realize since I will NEVER be perfect!! My kids are happy and healthy and completely loved...whether or not the house stays clean at all times. Also I believe that when I put God first in my day and my life He'll help me to improve in the other areas...

Luke 12:22-31 (The Message)
22-24He continued this subject with his disciples. "Don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or if the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your inner life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the ravens, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, carefree in the care of God. And you count far more.

25-28"Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? If fussing can't even do that, why fuss at all? Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don't fuss with their appearance—but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?

29-32"What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Ups and downs, downs, downs...

This last week has been really hard, i've been going through alot emotionally and just feeling so down. I hate even blogging about it but talking about things always helps so this should too right?! :o) I am now 17 weeks pregnant and boy are hormones taking a toll on me...i'm always so hormonal during my pregnancy but this time it's not just mood swings that i'm dealing with. I've been so down about things lately and I hate that, I really try to be a positive person and really enjoy things in life but i've been having a hard time of that lately.

Last night Colby and I went to dinner and sat and talked for about 2 hours about everything that's been going on inside of me. I've really been beating myself up about alot of things and feeling like i'm failing him and the kids. I've been wondering if the kids are doing well with me as a mom, or if i'm really causing them to lack. I so want to give them everything they need for an amazing future and I know they're pretty young now but you really can't start to early.

One thing Colby asked me was where all this is coming from and I honestly don't know. There's nothing I can think of specifically that i'm doing or not doing that makes me think they are lacking, I mean they are 2 of the happiest kids in the world! At least 5 times a day Konner comes up and gives me a hug or kiss and tells me he loves me, and Lexi is constantly wanting to sit in my lap and just let me hold her. Surly if i'm doing a horrible job as a mom those things wouldn't be going on regularly right?

After dinner last night I was feeling so much better just having gotten it all out there and not letting my mind go crazy with worry anymore, and even this morning with the kids I did great. But now the kids are taking a nap and suddenly my mind starts racing with all these thoughts again...stupid brain!! :o) I really think all the changes going on with me being pregnant and us about to be a family of 5 is just causing all this...at least that's what I keep telling myself. But all the "what if's" are driving me crazy! Gosh I love being pregnant but the hormones are no fun at all!! :o)

Again i'm not really sure what the point of this whole thing is...it just feels good to get some of this off my chest! So I guess that's all for now...hopefully the next blog won't be such a downer!! :o)