Friday, February 4, 2011

Day 5

Day 5 (Feb 5) "Love is not rude" Proverbs 27:14
How does your husband feel about the way you speak and act around him? How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem? Would your husband say you're a blessing or that you're condescending and embarrassing?

Day 5 challenge is..."Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable to irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only."

Wow. Now we're getting into the really challenging challenges! When was the last time you asked your spouse something like this? Have you ever?

I have occasionally asked Colby something like this and let me tell you, his answers are not always easy. Every time I ask him I always picture him saying something to the effect of "Oh darling, you know you're perfect to me! There isn't anything I would change about you!" HA! I don't know why I ever expect an answer like that and yet, most times I do. He is always very sweet in his answers and has never used that as an opportunity to tear me apart (thank goodness!) but it's still never easy to hear that your spouse doesn't like something about you or something you're doing.

I also have to caution you in how you ask your spouse. Questions like this can put your spouse, husbands especially, on guard. He or she may very well feel like this is a set up! You're probably going to have to give some reassurance that you really will not jump all over them when they give you honest answers and it may be a little like pulling teeth to get some honest answers out of them. But it really is worth it in the end. I promise!!

Now remember "You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior." Just thought i'd add that last part in there one more time. :o)


Anonymous said...

HI there lovie!
I'm so glad to see you 'tackle' this. It was actually a subject addressed by Focus on the Family.
I've been married to the same man for going on 23 years this April. If you count the 2 years we were engaged then 25 years. :) We met when we were 18 and got engaged that winter.
In the beginning I was a hard headed go getter. Dh was more of a laid back man and that is enough to start off on the wrong foot.
As the years have passed and the Lord has done His work in our lives I've actually periodically made it a point of asking him what I can do to make life easier or happier for him. His answer is often the same..."nothing, I like the way things are" Of course, comic that he is, he thinks that there is NEVER enough sex. LOL Typical man!
In an age where even the commercials show stupid men who can't count to ten without the woman there to guide him it's important to remind the women in the body of Christ what our place is.
Some think it's demeaning. In all acutallity it's fulfilling God's design and that is who we ultimately want to please. If you read it all you'll see that God tells to man to love his wife as he loves himself. According to my Daddy and my dh men LOOOOOVE themselves quite a bit. :)
It's hard for them to put someone else above themselves. So, if both parties are striving to serve the Lord and fulfill HIS wishes then the family will be complete and happy.
I'm blessed with a wonderful man. I remind myself of that daily. That way, I give myself to him (in all kinds of ways, not just intimacy) openly and freely because he deserves it. The hard part is doing it even when I feel he doesn't. It's like a circle. If everyone plays their "part" in God's design then it flows and all is well. But, break that circle... step outside of God's design and see how quickly it falls apart.

Jamie Meyer said...

LOVE your comment! I sat here trying to think of anything to add and came up with nothing. Very well put! Thank you very much for both the comment and the support! :o)